It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas

And feel like it too! I'm not talking about the weather, or even the tree that is twinkling at me as if it has a big secret it is keeping from me! I have a major case of Christmas Spirit, right down to the ringtone on my phone, which is set as Sleigh Ride by the band Relient K! Every time I hear it I remember going to see them in concert with my daughter, and it brings back a lot of very good memories.

I just received notice that my last two classes ended in As, just like all I have taken since I began taking classes. I plan to take two classes in the Spring - one is a half-semester course, for 8 weeks only, and the other is a full semester course. The half-semester course is the same one that I ended up dropping in the fall, so I already have the books, the syllabus, and a bit of familiarity with the teacher, so that helps. I hope to be able to go ahead and get some of the assignments done, and maybe one of the "biggies" started, before the course begins. It won't start until at least the middle of January so I do hope to be able to get a jump start on it.

But I am not sure if I will be able to or not. At work I have had another major surprise, but this one is a pleasant one for me, even if not for some other teachers. My job has changed yet again. I've been moved from Elementary to Junior High, and I will be doing mostly inclusion. I will work with several teachers, and I will have the students in 7th and 8th grade, as oppposed to the 5th and 6th grade students I have now. I will miss my students, for sure, but I will not complain about going to the Junior High at all. The teacher who is going to 5th and 6th grade is really upset about it. She has always said that she *will not* teach Elementary, and since she is already planning on looking for a new job, I think this just reinforces that decision. I feel for her, because she has a semester of dealing with the teachers I have had to deal with!

This means not only changing IEP lists, but changing classrooms, changing buildings, changing administration. The only things that stay the same are the Sped Director, the Case Manager, and the Superintendent. I know these students because I have been doing inclusion for a couple of classes with them all year long. Now I feel that I will have the chance to get to know them, and help them, better because I will be seeing them more this way. I will *be* their Sped teacher, instead of them having several different teachers doing inclusion, or even none at all. I am glad it is working out, and I am glad to be in one school, and I am glad to be with the older students, although as I said I will miss my students very much. We haven't told them, which I disagreed with because of the types of students we have and their need for longer processing periods for new information...especially something as important as who their teacher will be. Oh well, that wasn't my decision, and other than seeing them in passing and (hopefully) grabbing a hug or two, it won't be me dealing with it. Harsh, maybe, but true.

So I am very excited about next school semester, both work-wise and school-wise. I have 6 more courses until I have my Masters degree, which I hope to complete next December. Wouldn't that be a trip? I also want to take another Praxis II exam so I can be highly qualified, and (even Padrone doesn't know this cos I keep forgetting to tell him) the Sped Director said the school district will pay for it! So I will probably take two of them, although the highly qualified one is most important and I will take it first.

And I can't keep from mentioning just how lucky I am to belong to Padrone. He is so warm and giving, loving and thoughtful, except when he plays backgammon of course. He isn't perfect, no matter how good he is, but we fit so well together that maybe it is our relationship that is so good, greater than either of us as individuals. I cannot imagine being with anyone else. I honestly have nothing to complain about, and this man makes it so easy to submit to him. I am unbelievably lucky, and I hope he feels the same way. I know he does, actually. I have no doubts whatsoever.

Honestly, I feel as if I am living a dream relationship. The only drawback is the ocean between us, but it is only *really* bad when we think about it, or when we have a powerful need (not necessarily sexual). I have been more aware of it since starting this job than ever before...I mean in an ongoing basis. I often would give anything for a hug, or for an evening with him, or a kiss, or .... well, y'all get the picture. But Padrone is just as wonderful as y'all might imagine about being even more "there" for me when I let him know I need it.

Padrone, I have often portrayed you in this blog as "larger than life", or in a more positive light than you seem to think you deserve. But all I can say is that you and my children are the best things that have ever happened to me. I would still be working at Wal Mart if it weren't for you, my Love, and your belief in me. Making you proud of me ...

I realize that, as a submissive woman, my ultimate goal in life is supposed to be serving you, making you happy. And you know, I love doing that. I love when you are happy and pleased with me. But, Padrone, the most incredible feeling in the world washes over me when you tell me how proud you are of me, and when you beam with pride over my accomplishments - big or small. I cannot explain just how that makes me feel, Padrone, but I can say that it is an addictive feeling and it motivates me even more than making you happy does.

I am not sure if I am explaining this well or not, but I do hope you understand what I am trying to say. My life has been forever changed because I know you. You could never have made this type of difference in my life if you had been any other man, or any other type of Master. How I love you, my wonderful, life-changing, Padrone. Thank you...thank you....thank you.

Words, Words, Words

Words are very important in any relationship - they add so much but the lack of them can destroy even more. Because of the specific dynamics of our relationship words are even more meaningful to us than they may be to others, and that required a lot of adjustment for me.

The reality is that, no matter how much we wish our partner could read our mind, sometimes we have to overtly state things, or ask things outright. I have found that, once that awkward moment has passed, the discussion that follows is extremely beneficial and we usually have a far more open, close, relationship than before we talked.

There was a time when I wondered if I was supposed to act on my sexuality, or if that was presumptuous. I mean, submissive means having needs, but releasing control for those needs being met to another, right? I had always known that I could attract men, seduce them, but when the power was given to another over my life, my sexuality....what then? Was I supposed to sit and wait for him to decide to use me or to make me feel a certain way or...what?

This is where the words come into play, for me at least. And boy did it take a lot of talking for me to finally come to understand that Padrone really *does* want the best for me, and if I try to seduce him, or even mention that I am feeling sexual, he will then take the control he wants and needs and do what he wants. Often, not always mind you, but often what he does is exactly what I had longed for. Not always of course. And there have been times when I have taken the initiative and simply gone ahead and acted on my feelings.

I think, for us, that seduction is as much mental as anything else. In our particular dynamic a lot of what Padrone appreciates is when I offer my submission overtly. He appreciates so much when I find ways to please him, not merely sexually but in all ways. That fuels his Dominance, and it feeds my own submission, and his happiness and mine are in direct proportion to each other so...it is a beautiful, symbiotic relationship.

He loves when I use my words to indicate my desires. He loves a certain tone of voice that sparks a response in him. We've been together long enough for me to understand what he likes and appreciates, and now and then I have a flash of an idea that works. More often I don't, but it is those times when things click that make him so happy with the slave he owns.

I started this post yesterday, and right after this Padrone used me quite harshly. After the use, in the same phone call, I asked for something that I never dreamed I would ask for - to be allowed to cum more often, especially using insertion with a realistic toy rather than just playing with my fingers or a vibe. I don't mean daily or anything but it had been so long that I wasn't even able to recognize the need as sexual...I simply lumped it all together under "stress". It hasn't been granted or even mentioned again, but I do know that Padrone is thinking about it and has had some insight that it may help me to relieve some of the other types of stress if the sexual bit doesn't build until it is adding to it. Not to mention the simple physical stress relief of an orgasm. I'm not sexually needy, so much so that I truly didn't realize until he used me in a particular way just how much I missed it, how much it helped me in general to experience it. But if we didn't have the type and level of communication we do, I could never have even mentioned it to him to open the discussion. It was one of those awkward moments, for me at least, but I do know that Padrone will do what is best for me after we talked. He is quite creative about things, though, so I really don't what will happen, but I am relieved that it is *his* problem now!

And then again, this morning, I asked permission for something and he denied it. I wasn't upset about it, but since it was something I really hoped to do, I very respectfully asked him to reconsider, giving the *real* reasons for it, and he did. He granted permission, but only after I explained the real reasons I had hoped to be given permission to do it, rather than the superficial reasons I had initially given. Words, talking, communication...it WORKS, y'all. It really, really works.

And I would say that even if he had not granted permission, btw. He would still have been given as much information as I could give, and made the decision based on that rather than the partial information he had before. Now, just don't ask why I don't give that kind of information first....I have no answer, yet. I will, though, it's how I am.

One last thought: I know that not everyone celebrates the extremely American holiday of Thanksgiving (which is tomorrow for those who may not know), but it is my sincere wish that everyone takes a moment or two and reflects upon things and people they are truly thankful for having in their lives. I have learned that a grateful heart is a wonderful, wonderful thing. I have such a different perspective on every aspect of my life now, which is the ultimate thing I am thankful for having in my own life.

Padrone, I will be thinking of you as my family and I share the feast we are blessed enough to spread on our table. You, my love, are the most wonderful blessing in my life, and it is due to you that my life has changed so dramatically. I love you, and I thank you, my loving Padrone. I am indeed grateful to be yours.

Merry Christmas

Wishing all my blog friends a very Merry Christmas!

We don't have big plans, only a quiet family time, and time actually and completely off work for me (hopefully), something that i haven't had in a while now. Both of the clients i am fully responsible for are with family for the holiday weekend, at least, and the secondary clients... well, only one of them may need me and that will be only if someone who is scheduled to work doesn't show up. That has happened fairly often lately though, so i am keeping my fingers crossed about that.

So, on that note, i am going to make candy with my daughter, sing off-key carols with a loving and grateful heart, and thoroughly enjoy my Christmas!

Buon Natale, Padrone, and Merry Christmas everyone!

Holidays and happiness

I love this time of year. It has nothing to do with a peaceful heart or family or any such thing, but it is a very personal, and very spiritual, time of year for me. As a Christian, i love feeling the emotions that are enhanced during this holiday season, because of the love of a God i have the honor of knowing and being known by.

i know that the date of the celebration of the birth of Christ was set due to pagan celebrations that happened at the same time (as were most Christian days of celebration). Frankly, that doesn't matter in the least - who cares what the actual date of the birth of Christ was? It is the celebration of it that matters to me, and to most of the people i know.

For my Christian friends and family, this time of year allows us to reflect upon the joy and peace that we believe is ours because of our faith, which is based upon the birth, life, death, and ultimate resurrection of the one we call the Christ. The celebration of his birth creates a very real, very pure, very strong sense of renewal within me. i love feeling this way, deeply appreciative of what i have been given....more giving towards others as a result.

Here are a couple of pictures that were taken by one of my children, of some of the ornaments on my tree. i love them, and i hope you do too!

Padrone, i love You.