Wednesday, August 20, 2008

new perspective

i just got off the phone, talking with Padrone. He gave me a new perspective, in a few little words. Actually it was probably things He has shown me before, but this time it "clicked". And now i am just saying WOW!

i am typing another blog post right now, one that won't be published for a while. It's about my past, and who knows? It may never be published, since just the typing of it may be all that i need in order to ... do whatever needs to be done to ease the tension in my mind and emotions. Is it a catharsis? A purging? A gaining of control over my emotional life rather than letting the past control me so deeply?

Or is it simply symbolic, a way to formally state that i am freer from the bonds of the past so Padrone can tighten the bonds He has in place?

As you may have guessed, i am typing my personal history, most of which is not pretty. The "why" of it doesn't matter, since i simply feel driven to verbalize it, even with typed words rather than spoken.

When i was talking about it today to Padrone, suddenly, with a very few words and a small gesture, HE took immediate and absolute control of me, my thoughts, my emotions, my body. It was simply amazing, and while it has happened before, i am not totally sure it has ever happened in such a dramatic and sudden way.

What it accomplished, other than sudden, deep, submission and control, was to do exactly what He said while talking to me - it refocused me into what i am NOW, who i am NOW, whose i am NOW.....and forever.

my past, while it has affected me all my life, is losing its grip on my personality and my mentality and my emotions. Thank God.

Padrone, i am amazed at Your perception and that Your need coincided with the need i couldn't even express. i was talking fast and furiously, and suddenly You exerted Your easily, so undeniably. It was truly yet another epiphany for me, in ways that i may never fully understand.

Who am i? i am slave, in every way i have learned to be so far, and in every way possible as i learn to express my slavery even more. i am Your property to be owned, used for the purpose i was created to be used, cared for, displayed, treasured, loved, protected.

Thank You, Padrone, for showing me a totally new perspective.