Sunday, March 17, 2013
So Spring Break is over for this school year, and I am as ready to go back to school as I can get without having spent more time on my work at school than I was allowed to. And yes, the week with Padrone was absolutely wonderful! I'm not at all ready to end the time of extreme closeness that we have experienced this week!
But of course, I have been thinking. Padrone, made a lot of comments that had me totally melting, in ways that I truly never imagined. And today I started thinking, as the physical demands and the exposed emotions settle into place.
Padrone has talked this week about me being a good slave, being born to be his slave, so many wonderful and flattering things! So I started thinking today about feeling all mushy and adoring and just how easy he is to adore. Then, of course, since I am who I am I had to begin to think about *why* he is so easy to adore!
The answer is simple, actually. It has nothing to do with his Dominance, control, or even authority. I adore this man simply because he has been an element of change in my life - changes that I would never have done or made on my own, have been possible simply because he is who he is. He doesn't yet have a full understanding of what he has done in my life, although he definitely sees the effects of changes, for sure.
And honestly, he has put up with a LOT from owning me, especially early in our relationship. But he just...was himself. He has a practical, common sense approach to life in general, and often it was simply the fact that he loved me for what he saw in me and in spite of what I have seen in myself. It wasn't that he did anything extraordinary in and of itself, or nothing that someone else might think was extraordinary anyway. But to me, for me, and in my life.....this man's love and acceptance, especially acceptance, as I am....is most definitely extraordinary.
And it is those things, it is the way he simply wishes for simple things from me - to serve, please, and obey him - that has made such a dramatic difference in my life. Simply because he is who he is. His demands are not a heavy weight to bear, and his love makes it a pleasant weight. I adore this man. I adore this man with all that I am, and it is simply because of who he is and how that has made me who I am.
Padrone, I am yours, even more now than ever. I am simply yours.
Saturday, March 09, 2013
Well, I haven't had a lot to talk about lately, nor have I had time to type about the nothing going on - lol. But I am now on Spring Break (rejoice!!!) and Padrone has plans for us this week for sure. :) I'm not complaining for sure. I'm a bit nervous though because it has been quite a long time since I've really suffered for his pleasure.
It's been a wild ride at school too, and I'm not going to type much about that this time. I'll only say that Padrone is an excellent judge of human nature, and he gives wonderful advice, and has high expectations for me. He has such high regard for me that he cannot help but to have those expectations, and while it's a bit unnerving to move out of my comfort zone, it is also confidence building when his expectations are borne out in my life. He's a pretty darn good man, you know.
We only have one more 9 week term in this school year, and I have a lot of things to do in this term. I have to review skills for the state testing coming in May, make sure all the IEP objectives have been covered and measure the mastery of them, on an individual student basis, have IEP meetings and write IEPs for each of my students, decide if I will stay in this school next year, and somehow keep the kids motivated and interested in school rather than the spring fever that will be terribly more prevalent as the weather warms up and the local baseball season gets to rolling. But since I love baseball, the kids will be extremely happy when I show up for a game or two, and that may help me keep them motivated a bit easier but we'll see. Maybe that can be a reward for the kids to exhibit good behavior in the classroom? We'll see. I'm tired, so I'm not feeling so creative now as I am at times.
But Padrone has decided that I am to take a real break this week, from work at least, and refocus on my submission and slavery. He has tightened his control a bit, which I find thrilling, at least what I know of for now. I'm simply thrilled at the renewed attention and focus on each other in a way that is wonderfully fulfilling.
I'll also be working on my portfolio for my Masters program over Spring Break. The hardest work is in organizing everything in a sensible manner, but I'll also need to write new reflections for each Standard as well. Or the standards I have to redo at least, since some are adequate. I'm really looking forward to having all of this behind me though, that's for sure.
But that won't take a lot out of my days, and the knowledge that I'll simply be more available to Padrone, even if he chooses not to take advantage of that availability, is putting me in a hugely submissive mindset. I love it, and I think he does too actually. No, I know he does.
So, Padrone, we have an interesting week coming up, but in a good way finally. I will still have a few obligations but nowhere near as strenuous as if I were working all week, thank goodness! And then only 9.5 weeks until I am out for the summer! I am looking forward to resting, recovering, serving, pleasing, and loving. Yes, Padrone, I do have hopes for this break, even if nothing sexual happens. I am anticipating a lot of heightened emotions, relaxed expression of them, and simple and pure enjoyment as we spend time together and, as you said, refocusing on each other and our roles. Grazie, il Padrone mio. One day in, and I already feel more relaxed and focused on you. I am so grateful to have the opportunity, the much needed opportunity, for the emotions to flow freely and strongly at least for a while. The intimacy of what is ahead....mmmmmm...