Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Quick Personal Update

On Monday, our anniversary, my daughter had a car accident and while the vehicle she was driving sustained little damage, it was airborne and slammed to the ground with enough force to cause compression fractures in two of her vertebrae (Think Dukes of Hazzard). In short, she broke her back (not a bad break, no paralysis involved as long as she is careful as it heals). We are still in the hospital, with some hope of coming home today but personally I think she should stay another night. We'll see what the professionals say though.

She will be wearing a brace for a couple of months, with a checkup after a month to determine if the worst break (in the most important vertebrae, L1) is healing at the right angle or not. If it isn't, then she'll require surgery. I sure hope it does.

No, even though she is a teenager, she wasn't texting and driving. No she wasn't drinking. And yes she was wearing her seat belt. Had any of those been a factor, she may not even be here now.

But she will be alright. Other than the back injury she is fine. She is in a lot of pain, but that will ease eventually as the bones heal. She needs help with everything she does other than changing the tv channel, but even her brother is being helpful and even *thoughtful* towards her - and it was *his* truck that was wrecked!

So I have more on my plate than usual. Padrone knows and understands of course, and is being absolutely wonderful throughout all of this, and it never crossed my mind that he wouldn't be. I'll still be here, since she won't need me all the time, nor will she want me around all the time. I still have school, and since I don't yet have a job, I am able to stay home with hear easily.

Padrone, thank you for understanding and supporting me through this crisis, as I know you will throughout the entire process. I am, believe it or not, all out of mushy words, except to say that, even when I cannot show it, you mean more to me than you will ever know. I am yours.

Sunday, June 19, 2011

For Padrone

There are so many things I could type about tonight. Many of them I likely will, I am sure, even if I plan to keep this short and sweet.

Tomorrow, June 20, is the 6 year anniversary of the day I begged for Padrone's control. No, it isn't the anniversary many celebrate; usually that is of a collaring or a wedding or something like that. But this is the date of the true beginning of our relationship. Since it is almost Padrone's 3 am now, it *is* June 20 where *he* is. I always type on my time, but this time I hope to surprise him when he first gets online Monday.

Padrone, that day our conversation began like any others, I am sure. Maybe we scened, maybe we just chatted, getting to know each other better, I don't remember. I do remember that I felt that tingling sensation that happens when you feel very Dominant, so it did not surprise me when you said that you were having difficulty not extending your control into my "real life". Those words sent a shock of need through me that to this day I cannot describe. I hesitantly, and I hope respectfully, asked for you to not restrain yourself any longer, if that is what you wanted. You pondered....and said that if I truly wanted it...I would ask in the ancient manner...three times, giving myself plenty of time to think about it, to really think about what I was asking for. And I did.

Today, my Padrone, the gratitude for what we have, for who you are, for who I have become, overwhelms me. I find myself yearning for new, more expressive ways to show that gratitude. I have offered all I can, all I am, to this man who is worthy of so much more. To know that I am the one who holds his heart is humbling, yet it fills me with joyful abandon.

None of this is what I meant to say in this post, but it will do.

And the beauty of what we have? We don't simply love each other, we *like* each other too. It isn't that we are best friends, because we don't feel friendship for each is different. I see us growing old laughing at life, holding hands as we walk through the stores, simply enjoying each other's company for the rest of our lives. So yes...maybe we *are* like best friends.

Padrone, 6 years. 6 long, short, wonderful, beautiful, stressful, joyful years I have been yours. We are changing, growing, independently and together, and we keep getting better and better and better....

How sweet it is, Padrone, to be loved by you:

Sunday, June 12, 2011

I Need You

I need you, Padrone.

I need the structure you provide in my life, for my behavior; I need the expectations you have of me not only as your slave but as a mother, as a woman, as your love.

I need your way of looking at things, and your ability to see the trees in spite of the forest.

I need your limiting me to not speak of my school except within the restrictions you set forth.

I need your help as I learn how to shift gears from obsessive student to your slave without driving us both insane.

I need your strength, your steadiness, your steadfastness, your constancy.

I need your patience. Yes, I will say that one again. I need your patience.

Padrone, I need the control only you can exert in my life.

I need the physicality of our relationship.

I need the release of "it all" that only you can grant me.

I need your clarity of vision. I need your ability to relate seemingly unrelated things in a way that not only makes sense but brings surrounding ideas and thoughts into focus as well.

I need your laughter, your happiness, your underlying joy at owning me, at having me in your life.

I need our conversations about your "boring" days.

I need your routine. I need to know that you will be there. I need to count on you.

I need your shoulder. I need your encouragement. I need your belief in me.

Again, I will repeat that.

I need your belief in me.

I can do nothing in my life without you believing in me, Padrone.

And, because you do, I can do anything.

Thank you for needing me to need you. I told you when we met that the depth of my need had scared many men away.

Thank you for needing me just as deeply.

I am yours, now and forevermore.

Simply, irrevocably, yours.