Sunday, November 18, 2012

Just an Update

Well, finally I'm off for the week of Thanksgiving! It's been a long time coming, it seems. I'm glad for it - it was very much needed.

I've got a lot of thinking to do about something Padrone said last night. I've been reading for pleasure though, and letting thoughts work in the background of my mind, and I'll take them out and consider them when they force the issue, or when I finish my portfolio, whichever comes first. We'll see.

And I'm also cooking Thanksgiving dinner, as usual. Both the kids will be home, as will daughter's boyfriend and maybe another young man who is from Miami and has no family locally. Daughter asked if she could invite him, and I said yes as long as he wears a shirt (he likes tank tops, a lot) - lol.

She also wants us to get matching tattoos in white ink. She suggested hers to be "I love you" in my handwriting, and mine "I love you" in her handwriting. I love the idea, but I haven't even mentioned it to Padrone yet - I guess I have now, haven't I? :D I'm sure we'll talk about it, it's not a huge deal if it never happens, but I am absolutely warmed to the core of my being by her desire for that kind of permanent link with her mom. I really did raise a special little girl, I think.

I'm about to go to finish my book. I can't wait to see how Clark and Ding and the bunch keep Shiva from being spread worldwide!

Padrone, thank you for the book, for letting me sleep late this weekend, for the tightening of the reins a bit, for loving your slave as wonderfully and beautifully as you do. I am forever yours, my love.

Saturday, November 10, 2012

Just Being Me

Just merrily floating along in "lala land" here, believe it or not. Today is a much needed "do nothing" day here in all honesty. I'm sure there are things I could be doing, but for once there is nothing that I *should* be doing rather than what I am doing, which is...well...nothing!

It's been a wild and interesting few months, that's for sure. I passed my latest Praxis II with a score of 198/200. That feels good, y'all, especially since I found out on a day when I was feeling stressed and unsure of my abilities. Not my intelligence, but rather my....I don't know how to explain it, why it seems easier for others than for me to be successful in the professional world. It's not, and the easy answer is because I analyze every little thing and wonder and overthink, which can drive me crazy. That's probably all it is, and I see others as more able to let things roll off their backs than I am, and the internalizing is difficult to stop doing. I'm definitely trying, and I believe I am showing a lot of improvement, so hopefully with experience I'll get better and better at doing that.

I'm still taking antibiotics for a kidney infection which seems to like me for some reason. I had an allergic reaction to one antibiotic the other day and ended up in the ER getting shots. I'm fine now, though.

I've been trying to show my submission, and my awareness of Padrone's control, more. It's hard some days because of how busy I am, but I am making a conscious effort to do so, and I think I am doing better anyway. I sure hope so!

In a month and 4 days, IF I get all of my work done satisfactorily that is. I still haven't heard whether or not I have passed my comps, and if I didn't, I'll have to do an oral defense of them. I sure hope they give me plenty of time to prepare if I have to do that! But other than making a poor grade on my first attempted comps (which kind of makes me mad because we were told to turn it in, then she'd offer suggestions for improvements, so we were basically graded on rough drafts), I've done pretty well. There are still several assignments ungraded though, so who knows? But as long as I make a C in the course, AND pass my comps, I'll be graduating on December 14. Seems a long way away.

But this weekend I have a guilt-free weekend. I do have work I could be doing, for school - that's a given. I have a portfolio due in a couple of weeks and several quizzes for another class that I could be doing, but I've been behind for so long that being caught up feels like being ahead of the game. I'm not complaining for sure.

It's been so much fun being Padrone's through all of this too, of course. He's not only supportive, but appreciative of my efforts to be more expressive in my submission. He lets me know so often, and that fuels my efforts even more as expected. But it isn't posed or fake - it is just who we are.

Padrone, Thank you for letting me sleep late this morning, and for being as wonderful as you are about my day off today. Your use last weekend was amazing, the scenes since then have been powerful and intense, and you, my Padrone, are the perfect Master for this slave. Thank you, for being such a genuinely good man, and such a balanced and loving Padrone. I am grateful for you, for being yours, and for knowing that I make you happy.