Just Being Me

Just merrily floating along in "lala land" here, believe it or not. Today is a much needed "do nothing" day here in all honesty. I'm sure there are things I could be doing, but for once there is nothing that I *should* be doing rather than what I am doing, which is...well...nothing!

It's been a wild and interesting few months, that's for sure. I passed my latest Praxis II with a score of 198/200. That feels good, y'all, especially since I found out on a day when I was feeling stressed and unsure of my abilities. Not my intelligence, but rather my....I don't know how to explain it, why it seems easier for others than for me to be successful in the professional world. It's not, and the easy answer is because I analyze every little thing and wonder and overthink, which can drive me crazy. That's probably all it is, and I see others as more able to let things roll off their backs than I am, and the internalizing is difficult to stop doing. I'm definitely trying, and I believe I am showing a lot of improvement, so hopefully with experience I'll get better and better at doing that.

I'm still taking antibiotics for a kidney infection which seems to like me for some reason. I had an allergic reaction to one antibiotic the other day and ended up in the ER getting shots. I'm fine now, though.

I've been trying to show my submission, and my awareness of Padrone's control, more. It's hard some days because of how busy I am, but I am making a conscious effort to do so, and I think I am doing better anyway. I sure hope so!

In a month and 4 days, IF I get all of my work done satisfactorily that is. I still haven't heard whether or not I have passed my comps, and if I didn't, I'll have to do an oral defense of them. I sure hope they give me plenty of time to prepare if I have to do that! But other than making a poor grade on my first attempted comps (which kind of makes me mad because we were told to turn it in, then she'd offer suggestions for improvements, so we were basically graded on rough drafts), I've done pretty well. There are still several assignments ungraded though, so who knows? But as long as I make a C in the course, AND pass my comps, I'll be graduating on December 14. Seems a long way away.

But this weekend I have a guilt-free weekend. I do have work I could be doing, for school - that's a given. I have a portfolio due in a couple of weeks and several quizzes for another class that I could be doing, but I've been behind for so long that being caught up feels like being ahead of the game. I'm not complaining for sure.

It's been so much fun being Padrone's through all of this too, of course. He's not only supportive, but appreciative of my efforts to be more expressive in my submission. He lets me know so often, and that fuels my efforts even more as expected. But it isn't posed or fake - it is just who we are.

Padrone, Thank you for letting me sleep late this morning, and for being as wonderful as you are about my day off today. Your use last weekend was amazing, the scenes since then have been powerful and intense, and you, my Padrone, are the perfect Master for this slave. Thank you, for being such a genuinely good man, and such a balanced and loving Padrone. I am grateful for you, for being yours, and for knowing that I make you happy.