The myth of perfection

Yes, it has been a while since i have written here. There are lots of reasons for it, and none i will go into now because they simply aren't important in the long run.

But lately i have been thinking quite a bit. It's funny sometimes how discussions with others can spark a firestorm of thoughts that grow into a full-fledged topic for me, but that's what usually happens. Many of my posts originate from discussions with others, and one sentence, or one thought, or even one phrase can stick in my mind... and i usually "think it through", even if it doesn't happen until i type about it here or elsewhere.

This particular topic came about with the mention that Doms want a "perfect slave". So of course that started me thinking about what a "perfect slave" is, or can mean, and why someone would want such a thing in the first place.

i guess what someone would most likely be referring to with that phrase would be a submissive who obeys instantly, without question, and always willingly, eagerly....her demeanor would be one of abject adoration at all times, she would take correction, no matter how frivolous, seriously and with the proper "attitude", and her focus would be on her Master's wishes at all times.

So what is wrong with that picture?

First off, i want to publicly state something that may shock my Padrone into silence for a moment - i do NOT believe there is such a thing as a perfect slave. (or a perfect Master for that matter, but that's a different topic altogether)

Now that His jaw is firmly back in place from where it dropped to in response to that statement, let me continue by saying that perfection is not possible, however the strive for perfection is something every slave i know does as a matter of course. Notice i said every slave, not every person who poses as one, or who calls herself one - that is vital to my point here.

Perfection is an admirable goal, and it is one that i take very seriously. However, it is never achieved, no matter how hard one tries. There will always be times when i fail to act or behave appropriately, when i can't serve Him when He wants me to, when my attitude isn't the best, or when i rebel at His punishment or disagree with His choices. That is human nature. And there are times when i just don't "feel" the way He wishes for me to act, and that's probably the most difficult time of all for me to obey and give my submission freely.

And the bottom line of a "perfect slave" is probably just that....freely giving herself, her submission, her obedience....rather than having to have it coerced or manipulated or "punished" out of her.

Slavery is something that is offered, not taken. A slave gives freely of whatever pleases her Master most, or, if free, she gives freely of what is generally considered most pleasing kinds of behaviors, while protecting herself from predatory Dominants. Now THAT leads to the question of what is generally considered pleasing kinds of behaviors?

Well, i would think that what one sees would be a show of respect for others, first and foremost. One would never know, in a chat room at least, if the "perfect slave" disliked someone or even had a problem with his/her behavior. She would neither speak too much nor too loudly, she would not garner attention deliberately, yet her very presence because of her great show of respect and acceptance of all, would make her stand out from the "crowd" around her. She would serve socially when asked, and would serve sexually when it was appropriate to her, for her to do so. When she chose not to, her "no" would be couched in politeness, so that one asking would not feel "rejected". Her role would be to serve, to obey, to please, and she would do whatever she could to fulfill that role.

And that one desire, to do whatever she could to serve, obey, please......is what would make her a "perfect slave". In my opinion, slavery is not something one grows into, although she would necessarily have to grow into her knowledge of her slavery, and her acceptance of it, an then into her way of expressing it. For slaves, it is who she is, an inherent part of her personality, genetic makeup, social role, whatever one wishes to call it, that she serve and be found pleasing. It is a need that is inexpressable, and the way to fulfill said need is to learn to act in a "perfect" manner for positive feedback, when one is unknowned. When one is owned, her focus naturally turns to finding the way to be most pleasing and obedient to her own Master.

But it is the need, the desire, the yearning to please, that would lead one to believe that a girl is a "perfect slave". As for me, here is a summary of my thoughts , as expressed in channel earlier today:

i am not a perfect slave. There is no such thing as a perfect slave. i am not perfect, period. However, i strive with every beat of my heart towards that unattainable goal, and the reason is simple. my Padrone deserves my best, and He deserves every effort i make towards "being" the best i can be.

He is the only Master for me. i am the only slave for Him.

Thank You Padrone, for giving me what i know You never say lightly...forever.

Taking for granted

i have said so often that i refuse to take anything for granted about Padrone and His ownership of me. But i have recently realized something...

Lack of trust creates that mentality of taking something for granted.

For instance, i allowed my fears, mixed with the words i chose to remember Him saying, to balloon into the fear that He would find another slave. Oh, how those fears tormented me, and it wasn't the kind of torment He wanted me to experience. He reassured me as best He could, but He is wise enough to know that until i learned to trust that i *am* good enough, i *am* the one He wants, and i *am* the only one He wants...forever...that nothing He said would have long term effects.

i still need that reassurance now and then, but i find myself needing it less often, and i know that is a relief to Him. When i hear words, though, it is still such a beautiful thing to me, and i don't *have* to read between lines, or assume that His actions mean what i hope they mean. So now and then those reassuring words are still needed to keep me from going back into the land of fear.

But what is it that i was taking for granted while i was so consumed by fear? It is simple.

i have a faithful Master, and i took Him for granted.

i am sorry, Padrone, and faithfulness means more to me than i can express. It is more than simply not scening with others. It means, to me, that You don't even think about anyone else in terms of being Yours, no "what ifs" or "i wonders" or even comparisons, that i know of anyway. i finally realize that You are not just happy to own me, but quite content with our relationship and don't need or want anything else besides what we have and will continue to have in the future....what we will grow into.

i am deeply sorry for taking Your faithfulness for granted, my Master. i am so fortunate to belong to You, who has shown such patience and faith in me, and who is everything i have ever wanted in a man...and to whom i owe so much, but will gladly repay with my all.

i love You, Padrone.