Taking for granted

i have said so often that i refuse to take anything for granted about Padrone and His ownership of me. But i have recently realized something...

Lack of trust creates that mentality of taking something for granted.

For instance, i allowed my fears, mixed with the words i chose to remember Him saying, to balloon into the fear that He would find another slave. Oh, how those fears tormented me, and it wasn't the kind of torment He wanted me to experience. He reassured me as best He could, but He is wise enough to know that until i learned to trust that i *am* good enough, i *am* the one He wants, and i *am* the only one He wants...forever...that nothing He said would have long term effects.

i still need that reassurance now and then, but i find myself needing it less often, and i know that is a relief to Him. When i hear words, though, it is still such a beautiful thing to me, and i don't *have* to read between lines, or assume that His actions mean what i hope they mean. So now and then those reassuring words are still needed to keep me from going back into the land of fear.

But what is it that i was taking for granted while i was so consumed by fear? It is simple.

i have a faithful Master, and i took Him for granted.

i am sorry, Padrone, and faithfulness means more to me than i can express. It is more than simply not scening with others. It means, to me, that You don't even think about anyone else in terms of being Yours, no "what ifs" or "i wonders" or even comparisons, that i know of anyway. i finally realize that You are not just happy to own me, but quite content with our relationship and don't need or want anything else besides what we have and will continue to have in the future....what we will grow into.

i am deeply sorry for taking Your faithfulness for granted, my Master. i am so fortunate to belong to You, who has shown such patience and faith in me, and who is everything i have ever wanted in a man...and to whom i owe so much, but will gladly repay with my all.

i love You, Padrone.