Sunday, August 28, 2011

Just Plain Happy

I am just plain happy.

I don't get paid until Wednesday, and I'm short of enough funds to last until then, especially with a doctor's appointment for daughter tomorrow. But I'm happy.

I have one working vehicle, and am borrowing and kids are hitching rides to work until I can get another one. But I'm happy.

I don't have nearly enough time for my Padrone, and at times I forget to tell him important things, although I do try hard to remember either when we are talking, or when I type my email to him, or if it is quick then I can text. But I'm happy.

It's obvious whenever he and I talk; he has commented on it more than once that I seem happy. And I am.

I am teaching, finally, although it is still sinking in. Scheduling and even student assignments have been totally erratic. In the first 3 weeks of school, I have had my schedule changed....5 times maybe? And it is still not written in stone! I will be very glad when things settle there. It is really a good feeling, though, to finally be working as a teacher!

And I'm in school as well, taking two more classes towards my Masters, plus an internship towards my final certification. The two classes for my Masters are taken one at a time, though, so it is a little easier. The one this half-semester won't meet online weekly, either, so it is almost like independent study with weekly deadlines, which is kind of the best of both worlds in a way.

And the best part is that finally I have settled enough that Padrone is starting to use me again, to tease me, to have me do things while online, he found a new channel for us that allows scening, something we have missed for quite some time. (the public aspect of scening, the scening hasn't been *that* long since we've done privately!) I'm out of practice for public scening, so I expect to feel quite exposed, vulnerable, and inhibited the first few times we do it, especially if others choose to critique my "technique" as they did a submissive who was scening there last night - lol. I'm afraid I might not be able to focus on the scene if that happens to me, and if someone intrudes in that way....well, I just hope it doesn't happen!

I am so very happy.

Padrone, you are amazing, and I am so very blessed to belong to you. You make me happy. Amazingly, incredibly, beautifully happy. Thank you for being you, for loving me, for taking care of me. I love you, Padrone.

Sunday, August 21, 2011

Odds and Ends, and a bit of adoration for my Padrone in the mix

So. Well, timing stinks, but unexpected things happen sometimes. I have a car that I knew was on its last legs, but I was hoping and praying that it would last until I got my first paycheck, and my financial aid refund Sept. 8. But of course it didn't happen - the engine totally conked out on me early Friday morning. I've already missed a day's work. And I have to get to work and my kids have to get to their college 45 minutes away 3 days per week, and we're down to one vehicle that can make that kind of trip. Life is....interesting, to say the least. Padrone used me last night in a strong, powerful way. It was so intense, and so much needed! I've worn the rope he has me wear now and then all day today, so my belly is a bit tender and red beneath the rope, but it is so good to feel it. My holes are still sore from last night's use, too. And used me again tonight until I came and came and came, and ended up in a mushy, teary, grateful state that is so easy for him to bring me to. Sigh. I love that man. You is sometimes hard to put into words things I have been thinking and feeling. Since school started (work-school, not grad school...that starts this week but my first class won't be until next week), I have had so little time to do anything other than work, see Padrone in the evenings, bath, get ready for the next day (wardrobe, lunch, whatever I may need ... taking things a little at a time means that there is almost always something to carry into the school!). The D/s is still present, of course, and it is exciting to be starting a new career and all. I just miss him. The adjustment is taking its own sweet time in settling into routine....well, it only seems that way I know. We have grown so much. I love where we are now, the place where we can enjoy each other's presence, AND each other's busy-ness if that makes sense. We are so much a part of each others' is so wonderful that we are family, even as far apart as we are! I realize this is a short post, and probably not as deep or as wordy as my posts usually are, but I am still kind of floaty from tonight's use, and ... I feel the need to close the door for a while, and keep the intimacy within me instead of sharing even my thoughts with others tonight. Maybe next post will be a more personal, intimate peek into me, him, and/or us. But for now....buona notte, everyone. Padrone, thank you for holding me so tightly, and for loving me so powerfully. I adore you, Padrone, and I am totally, irrevocably, yours.

Sunday, August 14, 2011


<br>One week of teaching fully completed....or should I say one week of absolute chaos? I've already been accused of "coming across as a know-it-all", which simply means that I know my job and actually do it. I also understand what is required of me to get my 5 year license, and I kind of do what I am supposed to do to and if others don't want to help, then I figure out how to get it done. That has apparently bothered some folks - lol.

I don't have much time to live, especially with the after school discussions and "how are things going" conversations, and such. But Padrone and I have been able to talk every evening, thankfully. It has been a transition, and it will continue to be for a  while yet, but now I finally believe that it will gradually work out.

And tomorrow (in US time) is Padrone's birthday! I have nothing for him this year, about which I am a bit embarrassed and guilty. But he knows I love him, and I wish that his day is as wonderful as he is!

He was sick this week, as well, including a trip to the emergency room. He is fine, but I freaked out when I heard. Of course. I don't know how much Padrone realizes about how freaked out I was, but he is so rarely sick, much less *that* sick, that I kind of take it for granted. Bad, bad, bad. I do have to fight the urge to nag, though, which I do successfully I think. For the most part anyway - lol.

So that's pretty much all that is going on around here. I'm too busy to do much other than work, talk with Padrone, and sleep during the week. On the weekends I do chores, laundry, and grocery shop. It will take time for things to settle in, even in the home life, but I treasure the weekends because I get to see Padrone twice per day again.

I love that. I value it. Even when I'm irritable and grumpy and I tell Padrone and he offers to let me go to bed instead of talking with him! (I usually *don't* take my grumpy moods out on him, but I do try to let him know when I am feeling that way anyway).

And other than keeping an eye on the tropics, and waiting for the daughter's next doctor's appointment, things are going well. I am really enjoying teaching, and I have already had one of those "ah-ha" moments when a student "got it". Of course, the student may not remember it tomorrow, but it's all good. It was very rewarding, at least!

Padrone, I hope your birthday is very special, and you enjoy dinner with your family. I know you will, of course, but I hope it is even more special than you expect.

I love you, my Master. I am yours.

Sunday, August 07, 2011

Just a few thoughts

So I went back a few posts and read what I had typed, and I realized just how choppy and how incomplete it was. I'm going to rehash some things this post, but hopefully create order out of chaos - lol.

My daughter had an accident several weeks ago, and ended up breaking her back in two places. Two compression fractures, in vertebrae L1 and L2 for those who may know what that means, which translates into lots of pain for her and a slow recovery, but no surgery (thank God). She spent a few nights in the hospital, then several weeks at home, and is now able to have a bit more independence.  She is able to start college later this month as she had planned, so she is indeed a happy girl.

I got a job teaching an hour or so away from home. I've worked 4 days so far, and tomorrow the students' school year begins. I'm really excited about it, as one might expect - lol. I have to wake up before the chickens though, so I have planned my week's wardrobe already and have them sorted by outfit...except shoes. I'll have to do that in a little while. I'll also pack a lunch for tomorrow too.

And in my classes, which I did finish even though daughter's situation was quite demanding, I missed 3 points out of 1190 in one class, and made a perfect score in the other class! It wouldn't have been possible without the flexibility of the professors in lifting any consequences for me turning work in late, though. But they were more than understanding, and I am extremely grateful to have had these two particular teachers!

The drive, and the timing of my leaving for work, has meant that I can't talk with Padrone in the mornings anymore. I miss that, I miss him. But it has worked out that I can see him in the evenings, or talk with him, and I love that. It's hard though. This weekend has been nice, knowing that I can see him or talk with him more than during the week. And of course, since I live in a very rural area, there are several private spots with a cell signal on the way home, so that when the weather cools off a bit (it's over 100 degrees where I live, most days lately), it is my hope that I can be used some. I may have to get a bit inventive in terms of toys, because the *last* think I would wish to happen is to have sex toys found in my purse or another bag! I can't leave them in the car because of the heat, of course, and since I am a teacher it is a bit more important than if i were a mid-level manager in some generic office somewhere. But it won't look strange if I take a cucumber for lunch and "forget" to use it in my salad, or something like that. And of course, there are always things that can be covered with condoms and used, such as flashlights or hair brush handles or whatever. And they make these cute little vibes that look like lipsticks too, so I may try to find something like that. The point is that whatever Padrone uses to fill his slut's holes doesn't necessarily have to look like a cock, or an obvious sex toy either!

As long as it can be covered with tiger balm, and as long as I keep a towel handy in my car, we're good to go! (or cum, as the case may be).

Yes, I am horny, in case you couldn't tell.

And since I have totally forgotten what was so strongly on my mind last night that I had planned to type about here, I am going to end this post and go rope myself with a very tight crotch rope per Padrone's instructions, and struggle for the allotted time not to cum. Wish me luck. It won't be easy today, I'm afraid!

Padrone, I adore you. I yearn for you, and I long for your use. I will be so glad when the changes have become a new routine, and there is less uncertainty in our lives in terms of when and for how long we can spend time together. Thank you for being so proud of me, and for wanting me to follow my dreams, even though it has meant so much more .... interesting .... in our lives. Thank you for being the consistency in my often-chaotic world. Thank you for being the strong, solid rock that I can depend upon always being there, and always holding me up even when I am ready to sink. You, my love, are my world. Thank you, Padrone.

Monday, August 01, 2011


Tomorrow I start my new job. I am thrilled and excited and ready - I have been waiting for this day for years, literally. I will finally be teaching, Special Education, in a small school district, inclusion-only, with a total of 10 students, of which the vast majority are mildly learning disabled with few behavior problems. I will miss not having a classroom of students, in some ways, but this way I will be able to focus on a few students as well as on building positive working relationships with my coworkers. I really am excited about it.

So lots of changes are coming in the next few weeks. And since my daughter's accident and the severity of her injury, along with the even more intense compression of already compressed summer classes, I haven't had a lot of time or privacy to be available for Padrone's use.

Until today.

Today, my daughter drove to town for the very first time alone, since the accident. Today, my son went to work around the same time. So today, I had a wonderful, and wonderfully unexpected, bit of privacy today.

And Padrone used his slave. He took pain, pleasure, suffering. He was begged, his control strengthened, the power surged almost electrically between us. I begged for pain, for pleasure, for release, for HIS release. I burned and buzzed and humped and was filled to overflowing while even my clit was burned with tiger balm.

And now, I am almost in tears as the submission that is always there but not often expressed to such a deep degree fills my heart until there is nowhere for the emotions to go other than to be conveyed through words, tears, thoughts - mushiness.

I needed today, because of yesterday and because of tomorrow. To be so firmly reaffirmed was absolutely perfect. I feel fresh, renewed, revived.

Padrone, can the words "thank you" ever express enough of the gratitude I feel?  Can you feel my heart, my Padrone? Can you tell just how grateful I am for the connection before yet another change in our circumstances which will likely affect our connection even temporarily? Can I ever let you know how glad I am that things worked out today, with your schedule and my unexpected privacy?

Do you have any idea just how much I love you, and love to express that love in all the ways you enjoy seeing it, Padrone? I am so yours. And I am so grateful that you are mine as well. Thank you, so much, for today... for all our todays, in all the ways we experience them even if not as dramatic or as intense as this today. I love you, my Master. Forever.