Escalating needs

i've been thinking lately about changes and growth in relationships. i remember when i was with my first Dom, and he told me about things he had done and seen with others, and i remember not saying a word but thinking....there is no WAY i would EVER do anything like that!

The funny thing is, even though we were together less than a year, the things we would do at the end of our relationship were almost unrecognizable when compared to what we did in the beginning. And there were things that, because i was blindfolded during much of the time we scened, i didn't recognize as being humiliating. i mean, how humiliating can it be to be written on with lipstick, if the wearer has no idea what the lipstick spells out?

And i guess that's what has been on my mind lately regarding my relationship with Padrone. We've been delving into humiliation in a pretty big way, and once that door was cracked, there was not only no shutting it, but there has been a widening of the crack. The needs have escalated, the expression of our needs and the fulfillment of them has gotten more intense and... more ....i don't know the word, more strong or intense or something. That's only natural i suppose. But it has made me think....what if?

What if the need deepens and grows until it is too big to be managed? What if it becomes unhealthy? What if what i crave, or what he wishes to do, unknowingly harms? What if i can't trust myself to know when to beg for a break? What if my need to give, to suffer, to empty myself and be filled by Padrone becomes something i can't judge to be good or bad?

i know those things won't happen. i'm thinking hypothetically here, and maybe i am on the brink of a bit deeper insight into what those who go off the "deep end" experience, and why they can't/don't/won't see the dangers of what is happening to them. Maybe i am learning to understand, just a tiny bit, the "addiction" to ... whatever. Some call it control, some call it subspace, i call it being emptied and refilled....the name doesn't matter, and it could possibly be any of those for any of us. The key to not being "lost", to being able to safely give and know that we won't be harmed, is knowing that our Master holds us as dear to him as his own heart.

There is not even a speck of concern about any of these things happening to me, as long as Padrone owns me. Padrone is the most caring, concerned, controlling, loving, and protective man i know, and i am extremely safe, cherished, and securely held as is humanly possible for me to be. He is cautious where i would rush into something. He is protective where i would give even when it harmed me. He is absolutely wonderful to me, and i truly think that because i have what i have with him, i am able to see the other side, to wonder, to ponder, and to learn.

Padrone, i love You, and i am grateful to You for the security which You have granted me simply by being who You are. i am grateful that i can explore my needs, the escalation of them, and express things like i did this morning and know that You hear without judging me for them. You are so good to me, and i am forever Your owned property - Your schiava.