Long Distance

i was asked a question via email asking for advice on training a long distance slave. i responded to her in a pretty basic way, and i am including what i typed to her here, but i have expounded upon it a little, trying to give a clearer picture of just how we got to the point we are now.

Being a long distance slave is not easy at all, especially when it involves different continents entirely. Being the Master in this type of relationship is equally difficult. It requires a lot of dedication, commitment, communication, trust, but most of all integrity, for it to work.

Or that is what we have experienced at least. i have to do as i am expected to do, even if i don't have to "prove" it, and so does Padrone. If either of us fails, then our relationship suffers. It's as simple as that - integrity breeds trust, which breeds the rest of the necessary elements for a successful relationship.

Training is not something that we engage in, though. What Padrone does is to look at my life, my circumstances, my personality, my job situation, my family...everything to do with how i live my life here, and he creates a framework of rules that are specific to me. In other words, he doesn't try to make me into the slave HE wants, rather he wants me as i am, and creates the perfect environment for me to live as his slave.

In other words, he shaped my life as his slave around my entire life. He doesn't expect me to go naked all the time, or much of the time even, since i have a daughter living with me. He doesn't expect me to spend hours and hours online, waiting for him to show up at his whim, because i have work and school and chores and such. He doesn't expect me to damage my body trying something new and exciting, because he is not here to take care of me if something goes wrong. He doesn't expect me to do extremely humiliating things because... he isn't here to take care of me if something goes wrong. And he can't expect me to change my entire life, to isolate myself, to make him my world...because that, my friends, is abuse in anybody's world.

He looked, learned about my life, and built a framework of rules and expectations that control me wonderfully, but do not set me up to fail. He took TIME to learn about how i life, who i interact with, and even what i wear, in order to form rules to free my life of freedom into a life of slavery.

He began extremely slowly, and gradually introduced rules into my life that i could follow without danger or extreme disruption to my life. What he values is my obedience - he does not believe that punishment is a necessary part of D/s ... or not a routine part at least. Yes, i am punished when i deserve it, but he *hates* to punish me and so has designed the framework of rules and expectations that are not impossible for me to follow, or don't require "jumping through hoops" for me to obey. He loves that i am able, and do, follow the rules he has in place for me, and the fact that i am able to, and do, follow them means that he has done his job quite well.

What was his job in that instance? Well, it was simply to insert his control into my daily life, in subtle and not so subtle ways. He did so by introducing rules into my routine *very* gradually, giving me time to get used to one rule before introducing any more. He thought about how i live, and gave me rules that require thought, remembering, active obedience, but which don't require danger, risk, or extreme inconvenience (now and then they might, but not as a regular thing).

Some Masters believe that the way Padrone controls me is "soft" or something. But i feel his control, my submission, every day, throughout the day, in many different ways. We don't have to be in contact for it to happen, which is good given how busy i am lately. But it is as real as his hand gripping my hair would be, and my will is as surrendered as if i were kneeling before him.

Padrone says to throw "the book" away. D/s cannot follow a uniform set of guidelines, or "book" of rules and regulations. As long as both participants are healthy, and HAPPY, in the relationship, then it is a positive thing. When either participant takes things to the extreme, it becomes unbalanced...and unbalanced = unhealthy.

What i mean by that is that *a submissive* can't go into this thing having expectations of how she wants him to "Master" her, but HE must also let go of the thought of *his* perfect slave, and take her as she is and .... draw her submission from her in ways that she can offer it, not in arbitrary, preconceived ways. i am not saying anyone is doing that, just saying that it is a common thing, especially for Masters but also for submissives....an unwillingness to let go of expectations and accept reality - especially in long distance relationships.

Being a slave is not always easy, no matter how submissive someone is, or how much she craves a life of being controlled. But a good Master will not structure a girl's slavery in a way that will make her miserable all the time. Padrone says that a happy slave serves better, which is his basis for the way he chooses to control me. And let's face it... even slaves should be happy in their relationships... otherwise, why bother?

But that's a topic for another day.

Padrone, i have learned a TREMENDOUS amount of D/s, and how individual it should be, from You. Being Your slave has been the most life changing event to happen to me since the birth of my children. Your framework of freedom has allowed me to live the controlled life i need, freeing me to become the best person i can be. You have freed this flower to bloom for You, my Master, and i am more grateful than "thank You" could ever express. i am Yours.