Question of the Day

I asked Padrone a question tonight that was said in a lighthearted tone but which has become more and more serious the more I thought about it. I asked him "What would I do without you?"

You know, Padrone and I have never met face to face. But that doesn't seem to matter much for us. I need him far more than I ever imagined I would when we began this beautiful journey. It sounds crazy, I know, but it's true nonetheless.

And as I mentioned to him when he was talking about using me and how he is looking forward to using me again, for me it is the little things that mean far more than the major times of use. Those are absolutely wonderful and equally necessary for our relationship's health of course, but frankly...it is during the times when I slip in my duties and he, in his simple, direct way points me back on the right path, that mean far more to me than anything else.

Recently I've had issues with one particular student with emotional disorder, and of course Isaac was a factor for me as well. So I hadn't been in touch as I am supposed to be, like emailing daily. It felt so good to hear, "Since ChildX is no longer a factor, and Isaac is gone, you will resume your daily emails." I know it's crazy, but just hearing, feeling that short leash, is such a major comfort to me.

And I use him shamelessly to help me solve all sorts of problems. I tend to get so caught up in the details that I usually can't see the big picture. He, of course, CAN. That gives him a far better perspective than I will ever have, and I ask his advice very often. Tonight I asked for help with what turned out to be an embarrassingly simple problem (once I knew the solution, that is), and that's when I asked what I would ever do without him.

But it's true. The question is rhetorical of course, but when I think of how my life would be without him, the gratitude that seems to be a major hallmark of my emotional life simply overflows like a fountain.

I have never been as supported, as encouraged, or as accepted by anyone as I am by Padrone. He wants me to be happy, plain and simple. I have never had anyone in my life who felt that way about me. Never has my happiness made another person happy, without some ulterior motive involved.

What would I do without Padrone? I cannot even fathom it.

Padrone, I am grateful that I won't have to find out the answer to that question anytime soon. I am forever yours. Forever, gratefully, totally yours. Words fail me now...except to say thank you, for the small things, for the big things...for simply being you.