Back In the Day

I have been thinking lately about relationships in general. Here in blogland, several blogs that I read have said that they have either dropped their D/s arrangement, or that the D/s element is no longer a part of their relationship at all. I am not sure why I wonder about things like that, but I find even the prospect of that happening incomprehensible.

I find myself thinking about relationships I've known in the past, from my own personal experience or through watching others. One of the most beautiful and remarkable examples of a D/s relationship was my grandparents' relationship. My grandmother was the most submissive woman I have ever met. Never did I ever hear my grandparents openly disagree, although of course there were always "that's just a man" types of jokes. As a matter of fact, I find myself having to restrain myself from making those types of jokes now!

My grandfather was not overtly Dominant, by any means. There was never any doubt who was in charge in the relationship. As a matter of fact, he was respectful of her and her role in their marriage, as far as I knew. He had some disturbing sexual proclivities, as I found to my detriment, but not once did they do or say anything inappropriate to each other in front of me.

My grandmother cooked, cleaned, raised the kids (and grandkids for the most part). She also worked when my grandfather was laid off from his job. He worked out of town and would drive 2 hours early Monday morning, rented an apartment with other men, and they drove home on Friday night. He had a heart attack in his mid 60's, a stroke a few years later, and lost first one leg, then the other to amputation before developing asbestosis and passing away from lung cancer years later. Through all of it, she nursed him and did the best she possibly could through more physical and emotional burdens than any of us may ever understand. There were several years when she dealt with him solely by herself since all 5 of her children lived several states away.

She had her moments when it was even more of a burden than she could possibly handle, of course. She was no saint, nor was he by any means. But he showed her a quiet appreciation for the things she did, and she would do what she was expected to do, but also that she enjoyed doing, for him and for almost everyone around her.

They did not call their relationship D/s by any means. I somehow doubt that she was spanked if she didn't speak in a specific tone of voice, or if she needed time to deal with an emotional argument or a disagreement that she found very emotional. There would have been no "rules" or "punishments" in place, but yes, by the time I realized what I was seeing, they had definite expectations of each other in place and they each tried to please the other.

That, to me, is the definition of D/s.

They would never have defined their relationship as D/s.

A male-Dominant, female submissive marriage is indeed D/s, is it not? You know, we so often get wrapped up with labels and roles and how things are "supposed" to be that we lose who we are in the process. Even if someone makes a choice to be submissive and doesn't feel that they are naturally submissive will likely develop submissive habits as time passes. Habits of defiance and covert rebellion can also develop without care and caution, as well.

I honestly believe that the reason we have had to define so strongly the roles in relationships such as ours, and explore reasons why we identify as we do, and all the analysis that comes with being powerful in jobs yet submissive in relationships stems from the feminist movement. So many of us feel so pressured to do it all, and to have certain expectations of the men in our lives, that we have lost sight of the fact that MANY women are submissive to men simply because they WANT to be. We love for a man to be in charge, to have both authority and responsibility. We enjoy making our man happy and pleasing him in big ways and small. And there are many men who love to feel powerful and responsible and in control. And you know... that is exactly what my grandparents had and the marriage they lived.

Without struggling for identity. Without resentment. Without pettiness or overanalysis. It just was what it was, because that is how THEY were.

And that is what I have finally found with Padrone. Padrone, I am forever grateful for the freedom you have given me to be myself, to learn to please and serve you and make you as happy as you make me. You are incredible, and I am incredibly lucky and blessed to be yours. I love you, my Padrone, more than life itself.

I am, indeed, your forever slave.