i have belonged to the most wonderful Master in the world, for two complete years. i haven't worn His collar quite that long, but His ownership began two years ago when, during a typical PM conversation, the topic turned to control. Somehow the time was right to give in to my yearnings to belong to this man, and with His guidance, i asked for His control to extend beyond IRC and into my real life. i asked to become His.
And i was accepted.
Thus began my journey from whore to slave, from girl to woman, from a 'free slave' to a truly freed slave. Over the last year or so y'all have learned a lot about the journey itself...maybe more than y'all wanted to. But the beginning...
i can still feel my heart race as i considered the questions i must ask. i still feel the butterflies fluttering madly as i thought about the consequences of my actions - or the limited consequences i could foresee at the time. i still feel the anticipation, almost breathless as i waited for His answer. i still feel the joy that washed over me so strongly, so suddenly, at His acceptance of me and my submission.
That moment changed our lives, in some ways immediately, but in others the change has been so gradual that i haven't even noticed it at times. But the person i am, the slave i am, the changes in me personally and in our relationship, are apparent even to anyone who will go back and read the earlier posts in this blog.
i always say that i don't see how we can get any closer. Somehow we always do, though.
A moment that will be imprinted on my mind just as clearly as the questions i asked, is something Padrone asked of me last night, on our anniversary. He said that since i had asked to be controlled more deeply then, three times...to thank Him, three times, for enslaving me.
Oh the shock that ran through my system at the symbolism, the sudden, electric, realization of just exactly how far we have come since that moment, two years ago. Y'all...it was as if i was...i don't know, somehow watching our history in my mind, two years of it, in an instant.
And so i did:
titty{F} smiles....lifting her head to look at You with shining eyes.....joy and devotion flowing from them.......
titty{F} smiles, tears flowing freely.....thank You...for seeing beyond the surface.....for seeing something in me that captured Your attention....some potential that i had given up believing was true.....and for exerting Your control into my life.....into every facet of my life......into every part, my entire life....is Yours to control as You wish.....
titty{F} keeps looking straight into Your eyes, her own blinded by tears.......whispering now.....thank You......for taking a whore....and creating a beautiful, pleasing, loving slave...for You, Padrone.....only for You
Franti smiles lovingly at you, his slave ....
(and y'all wonder why i can never give enough to this man?)
Then i began to think, as i usually do.
How exactly HAS Padrone changed my life? There has to be some way to define it, some bottom-line, so basic change that everything else is built upon that. It hit me as i was typing the last bit, and when i called to say good night, i said the words that i want to reiterate and expound upon now.
The greatest gift, the biggest change, the most basic thing that Padrone has altered in my life is that He taught me to love myself.
He hasn't just accepted who i am without reservation, which is gift in itself. He hasn't just shown as close to unconditional love as i have ever experienced, or even witnessed in others' relationships. He hasn't just taught me to accept that HE loves me and accepts me as i am. He has taught me that who i am is a good person, a loveable person, an intelligent person whose company is worth seeking out. He has taught me that mistakes aren't character faults. He has taught me to laugh when i fail sometimes (like when i don't send a text on time. It's a big deal because it is a rule and He wants them. But rather than obsessing about it as i used to do, now i simply laugh a bit ruefully, write my lines, and keep texting.) He has taught me how to be ... normal...to leave the past where it is, as much as is emotionally possible.
Padrone has given me the foundation within myself, that has allowed me to give more and more, freely and without reservation, without thinking that He deserves better than i am, than i give, than i offer Him. Now, as never before, *i* value highly what i give to Him, and that just makes the gift more sweet than ever. Everything i give now, every service, every emotion, every touch, every word, is from someone who knows that these things are appreciated, valued, for who they come from as deeply as for what they are. And that, my friends, is a gift beyond measure.
Oh Padrone, how can one place any value on the gift of one's self worth? You didn't merely help me to see that i have some worth to You, but somehow You have taught me, have shown me, that i have worth simply because of who i am. You have given me more than i can ever state, Padrone....more than i can ever repay, which is fine because i know that repayment is not an issue in any way. You have truly taken the broken, lost, lonely girl You met so long ago, and revealed the beautiful woman inside.....to me.....and to anyone who wishes to see her.
You have reshaped me, Padrone. i can never thank You enough. All i can do is shine for You...and shine i will, for You...because of You....to honor You....i am Yours.
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