growth

It's been quite some time since i have typed here, and tonight may not be the most opportune time to do so either. But there have been so many things going on lately that i just really needed to type some of them out.

i have grown, some, as a woman, but more as a slave. The past few weeks have brought some amazing changes, and i can't or won't go into a lot of detail about them. Suffice it to say that i am now Padrone's bitch, something i haven't ever been able to fully embrace being.

Why did this happen? Because Padrone expressed something to me that made me realize that there *is* a way to express my submission in a deeper way. Maybe even in a more meaningful way, i'm not sure - that's one of those things that can't be defined.

Padrone exposed a bit of Himself to me, something that showed me a new way to please Him. And of course, that is something that meant more to me than i could ever express, the trust and respect He showed me to reveal something deeper than He has ever shown before, and also it made me want to show Him my gratitude in a way that only He can understand.

But it is also more than that. It is as if His expression of Himself freed me, in some ways, to reveal things that i had .... well, not supressed, because i had told Him these things, but....maybe not dwelt upon, and that may have made Him not aware of how meaningful they were to me.

In other news, as some of y'all may know already, i am Padrone's bitch. i have a kennel in our private channel where i go when i wait for Him to get online. Being His bitch, so far, has meant that i have in a few small ways, acted as a dog for His pleasure. It is something that i used to have major problems with, and i could never define why. But i realize now that i can kind of take on the mentality of a dog, ecstatic to see her Owner, and eager to show the adoration she feels for Him, and...maybe it's easer that way, i don't know. It doesn't matter, except for my ingrained need to understand things. i'll figure it out, or learn to accept that i can't, one or the other.

And some things i am in limbo regarding, waiting for Padrone to do or say what He mentioned, and what i know may never be expressed. It's hard in some ways, because i have to be patient, and understand that He will only do what He chooses to do, and if He chooses not to do something, then it is because He thinks it is best for Him and for me if He doesn't. Nothing i could do or say, even if i were the type to try to change His mind, would have any effect. And y'all know what? i love Him for that.

Actually, i love Him for a lot MORE than that, but i'm sure y'all have figured that out by now.

i'm thinking of typing something else now, but i'll put it in a different post, with a different topic since it *is* a different topic.

Padrone, i am so grateful for the growth that we have had, even when it hasn't been dramatic and emotional. i am so grateful for the trust You have shown me so recently, and for the respect You show me daily. Thank You for trusting me when i offer more than You have ever taken before. Padrone, i can't imagine belonging to anyone else. i feel as if i have been searching for You my whole life.

Thank You, Padrone, for being You, and owning me in the way You do. You truly are incredible.