Some things never change

My son broke up with his girlfriend of almost 4 years on Wednesday. Yesterday they were back together. They are NOT D/s, but they do tend to have more "traditional" vanilla roles in their relationship.

And of course, since they have been together almost as long as Padrone and i have, i make the inevitable comparisons - omg i would DIE if Padrone "broke up" with me! Well, i wouldn't literally die, but i might want to.

Which is what she said about my son, only not in so many words. She kept saying that he was her world. i saw how dangerous that was to her, but how easy it had been for her to fall into the trap of shrinking her "world" until he was the only constant in it. She talked about how she didn't know what to do with herself, since she was always thinking about him, talking with him, or texting or "facebooking" him...when they weren't in class of course.

And she thought things were going well for the most part, and suddenly "whammo"! But he doesn't talk, he just holds things in until they become huge issues and suddenly it's over.

i take "credit" for that one, i'm afraid. It's kind of how i was before i met Padrone. i don't think i was ever as good at it as he is though, of course part of that is because he's a guy. They think differently, yanno!

My point here is that the things i described happening are common in all relationships at some point or another. It doesn't matter how old the couple are, there are always growing pains and struggles of Venus and Mars, and differing needs and perceptions, and changes.

They'll have more changes as they each graduate from college and she does either graduate school or joins the work force, and he goes on to law school. But don't we all?

Our relationship has endured many, many changes....from being a form of poly, to being strictly monogamous...from me working part time, to full time....from me getting hurt to me quitting that job....through stressful times and calm times... through illness and crises....not to mention teenagers (ugh).

And i know there will be many more.

But some things never change. i am slave, i am owned, and i am surrendered. i realize now that i have always been submissive in every relationship i have ever been in. It simply is who i am.

Son's girlfriend is not so submissive, she simply focuses solely on son and on her own needs...and depends upon him to meet them.

Poor girl - she's setting herself up for failure unless she expands her world and learns to meet her needs elsewhere - for companionship, friendship, communication, etc. Because frankly, some things never change, and the way we women interact tends to be one of those things!

In terms of relationships....they're young, 20 and 21. They have a long future ahead of them barring unforeseen circumstances. They are filled with hope and love and uncertainty and learning about responsibility and consequences. Really, quite a lot like Padrone and me. We're not so young, but we are filled with hope and love and uncertainty (not about each other, just about circumstances) and learning more and more about responsibility and consequences.

When we fail to learn, we fail to grow.

And i guess that's what this entire post is about. Growth, even when it is painful, is what makes relationships stronger. It doesn't matter if it is a M/s relationship or not - every relationship grows as the individuals in it grow. Every relationship will experience growing pains. And every relationship will become stronger as it overcomes adversity.

I spent some time last night talking with the girlfriend, giving her a bit of advice regarding male-female communication and expectations....simply because i've been "around" longer and have learned some things the hard way. She's a big girl and can choose to accept or not, and i'm a big girl and understand that she doesn't have to, even if i think it is sound advice. i'm not in their relationship, and this is the first time in almost 4 years that i have ever interfered, so i think i've got a pretty good track record going!

Anyway, that's one thing that has been on my mind lately, the way relationships work similarly no matter the age, or the "type" of relationship it is. i guess that's why i understand so clearly that being a slave doesn't change me, my responsibility to myself or to others, and it doesn't change the underlying "rules" of relationships.

Mutual Trust. Mutual Respect. Communication. Individual Integrity. Mutual Loyalty. Mutual Fidelity. Honesty. Serving one another. Being true to one's self. Learning about and meeting our partner's needs.

Nothing changes the way we live in a relationship, no matter how we define the relationship. Our behaviors, our attitudes, our demeanor, our roles may change, but the underlying pillars that *any* strong and successful relationship is built upon will never change.

Padrone, thank You for the suggestion for this topic, and for the way You have shown me that Master/slave is vital to our relationship, because it is simply who we are, but that it is indeed a relationship and not a fantasy or a roleplaying thing for either of us. You really are a wonderful Master, and i am incredibly blessed to belong to You!