A few more thoughts

i've been thinking a bit more, after typing yesterday's post. i realized that i kind of presented a contraction, without meaning to!

See, i am very much a slave, and Padrone is very much a Master, but our relationship is not usually overtly M/s. So i kind of wanted to explain what makes our "vanilla- looking" relationship, not vanilla.

What has happened in our relationship is that we have learned to trust each other, within the roles we live, and that has allowed us to relax and be ourselves outside the D/s realm. What i mean is that, since Padrone knows i will do all i possibly can to obey him, he doesn't have to oversee me unless he simply wants to do so...he can relax after giving me an order or a task, and know that if i don't get it done, something is wrong. And since i know that he won't overwhelm me to the degree that i can't function in my life here because of things he expects of me, then i can afford to give all my focus on his needs and desires and relax into obeying without worrying about being found "wanting". He won't set me up to fail, and i will put his tasks high on my priority list when i'm given them to do.

That is an example of how we have learned to live D/s within the realm of reality, and the difference between how we live and a vanilla relationship. It just is who we are, how we express our personalities, and a natural part of our relationship. i have rules that are in place, of course....a framework within which i can express my submission without having to think, obsess, or worry about it. This way i obey even when i am not given a specific extra task or orders. And Padrone, even before he set a new rule in place, gave a ton of thought about it in regards to whether or not it was even possible within my circumstances.

The D/s in our relationship is always present. It is always expressed even if not in an obvious way. i don't have to be constantly watched, or overseen, to be obedient. He doesn't have to constantly oversee or watch in order to control. He knows that i don't see him as "weak" if he doesn't feel overtly Dominant. He doesn't see me as disrespectful if i don't feel overtly submissive. The expression of those parts of our personality are so much a part of our everyday life that anything above what is already there is an expression of a deep need.

What makes us not vanilla, even though a lot of our interaction *is* vanilla? The underlying presence of the D/s framework that i am deeply grateful for, and which allows us to be free to express every part of our personalities, not just the limited parts of Master and slave. We live D/s, we don't have to make any effort to show who we are or how we feel. We DO, when we want to, but we don't HAVE to in order to experience the D/s in our relationship.

i love what we have, and how we live. i love knowing that we can talk about every part of our lives and enjoy simply being with each other, without worrying whether or not i'm "topping from the bottom" if i express an opinion strongly, or if he is domineering rather than dominant if he is "too controlling".

i'm not sure if i really answered the original question. All i know is that it has taken a long, long time....lots of sincere communication....building trust over years, not weeks or even months....openness and acceptance....for us to reach the point we are now. It didn't happen overnight. It didn't happen without work and change and lots and lots of discussions of philosophy. It didn't happen simply because Padrone said it would. It didn't happen because i manipulated it into place. It happened because we both took and gave and compromised and grew as people into who we are, so we could have what we have.

And dear Lord, it is worth it.

Padrone, thank You for being who You are to me, for me, and with me. Thank You for allowing me to be myself as well. That is the greatest gift You could ever give me, the freedom to be myself. And yes, i'm on a roll, with even more thoughts rolling around in my poor blonde brain, so maybe more words later, or tomorrow, Padrone! *kiss*