Quick and Dirty. Or Clean.

This week's post is a short one, because i'm a bit irritable and feeling really bad that i couldn't spend the kind of time with Padrone that we both need, and that he asked for tonight. i am so very sorry, Padrone.

i've been really busy with work, the ex who got fired last week and is hanging around more than ever, making calls about jobs, studying for certification test (studying more tonight, Padrone), daughter's schooling, and the few chores i have managed to find time for in between.

It seems that, this week specifically, Padrone and i have had so little time together. And a circumstance change next weekend will mean we will have to give a bit more .... thought, i guess .... about when we'll be able to talk. It's alright, we've been through the same thing for years, sometimes it is worse than at other times, but i always feel badly when i can't meet the need that he is so patient about when he feels it and i can't be available.

Anyway, i truly hope that tomorrow is a better day and we can connect in a deep way, a way that centers me and refocuses each of us and truly energizes us in our relationship. i need it. i need to give of myself to Padrone, to be used to meet his own needs. i really need to pour myself out ....empty all of me, and be refilled with Padrone's control. I don't know if that makes sense or not, and it really doesn't express what i want to say but ... it's the best i can do tonight.

Padrone, i am so sorry about tonight, and i am sorry this blog post is short and a bit hurried. i will try to type more tomorrow - i'll be rested and off work - things that have been scarce lately as You know.

i love You, Padrone.