Five years and counting

Five years ago today, Padrone placed a virtual but very real collar on my neck, and in my heart. i honestly can not begin to imagine life without this man at the helm of it.

i have not been able to let him know lately how i feel about him. i know it is always there, always expressed to a degree, but we have truly spoiled each other and when one of us is unavailable for whatever reason, it is a major hardship for the other. Lately, of course, i've been incredibly busy and focused on school. Yes, we both wanted this to happen, and yes, we both knew it was going to be difficult going in.

He really has been wonderful throughout this time. i have been so blessed, you know. i know it, i admit it, i accept it, i embrace it. And sometimes, sometimes, i take it for granted.

i hate that he has had unmet needs for quite some time lately. i hate that i have had to delay meeting those needs if i wanted to be successful in this endeavor. i hate it more than he knows. i hate it more than i can express. i feel incredible guilt most times i do things for myself, and even moreso with this particular situation because i don't "better" myself well.

That is for another post, however. i hope to be finished with all my schoolwork later tonight, so hopefully i will get to blog more soon.

Padrone, You have changed my world in dramatic and subtle ways. You have changed me. You have changed my future and my outlook on life. You have changed my behavior and my mentality. You have changed the way i think, the way i react, the way i perceive what is going on in my daily life.

i can never express how dependent upon You i have become, how much i need You, and how deeply surrendered to You i am. You have literally become the center of my world.

So many words to describe our life and the way i feel about You and being Yours, but nothing can ever express any of those things. Those words sound trite and bland compared to what we have, Padrone, no matter how honored i am to be able to say i am Your woman. You, Padrone, have literally taken a broken, hopeless person and turned her into the woman You own. How could i ever express the depths of the emotions You evoke?

The past five years are only a prelude to the rest of our lives. i can think of nothing fulfilling than being Yours forever. i love You. i am Yours.