Good feelings

I'm still floating.

Padrone used me today, pain, need, suffering...and i felt so amazingly LOVED through it all. Not what i was expecting, of course, but totally and absolutely wonderful.

Then we talked. The intimacy deepened.

I made some discoveries, i tried to express new things.

i felt some previously elusive thoughts come together and i smiled.

i can walk into any professional job and not only hold my head up because of any accomplishments i may have made, but also because of who i am. i can compete and succeed in a professional job.

Not such a big deal for some folks, and i'm sure some of you may be scratching your head wondering where this came from.

You know, it's just one of those things, i guess. But the reality is that i know i am ... well, still not good at talking about positives about myself, because it always sounds arrogant to my own ears. But i think that my next job interview will be a lot different than any i have ever had before, because i have a different attitude about myself and my abilities than i have ever had before.

It will make a ton of difference.

Padrone, as we talked about on the phone earlier...and one day i will try to blog about it...You have made a world of difference in my life. You haven't forced me to change my way of thinking, rather You have shown me the truth as You see it, in ways that made it unavoidable for me to admit, to accept, and finally to fully believe.

i love You more daily, even though it never seems possible. Mio Padrone.