A New Day, A New Life

First, thank you Padrone for the suggestion for what to write about today! I have wanted to type here for a few days but really didn't know what to write. So many things happening, but not as much on the D/s and relationship front...on the surface at least...and so I realize that what I type here only has interest for myself and Padrone in the long run. And that's perfectly alright with me.

But a lot of what I type here, Padrone and I have already discussed, and this place is more for clarifying my own thoughts, or adding details that I forget when we're talking, or things like that. I process my thoughts through typing them here, at times, and that is what I think will happen today.

See, my new job will entail many changes in my life, and in Padrone's of course. I will have to wake up and leave home at an ungodly hour in the morning, drive an hour or so to my job, and drive home the same distance. I will have a lot of time alone, which is not a bad thing at all. Being on the road for that long will be a challenge some days, and I know Padrone will worry a bit about me driving that far. The drive is the worst part of this entire job, but if I didn't think I could do it, I never would have applied for the position. After this year, my situation will be a little different in a couple of ways, and I can do anything for a year!

But it means that our routine will have to change, as will my framework. We've already talked about the fact that 5:30 am is awfully early to wake up and shove a fake cock up one's ass, so that is one bit of the framework that will shift. I am sure I will still have something to do in the mornings, even if it is to wear something while I drive. But of course what it actually is will be up to Padrone.

And you know what? I am so grateful that Padrone is the type of person he is. He takes into consideration not only his own needs and desires, but mine as well, and my circumstances and situation and job and life and personality. He knows me so well, and challenges me at times, but frankly we have moved beyond the need for me to prove my submission to him.....but that doesn't mean that things will always be easy. It simply means that Padrone chooses how he wishes for me to show my submission. That doesn't mean that he doubts it or that i must prove anything, only that the D/s is a major part of our relationship.

I guess it is the fact that I do trust him so much that enables me to....well, I don't worry about what he has in mind. Maybe I should, I don't know - lol - but not really. I know that even when he challenges me it is only out of the need for control, or that he knows i need to show my submission, in a strong and powerful way. He has no more need to prove that he can/does control me, than I do to prove my submission. We've been through too much, been together too long, for doubts of those things to be a part of our lives any longer.

And so, in 3.5 short weeks, I will be driving to my new job, in a different town. Starting a new life professionally, personally, and together with Padrone. I will finally be making a better living, financially things will begin to ease, and I will be doing what I have dreamed of doing almost my entire life. I am in a beautiful, almost fairy tale relationship with a wonderful, loving, considerate, passionate, caring man. And the frame within which I live my life will be shifting but not crumbling.

Now, if only I can find a decent car....*laughing but still serious*

Padrone, I have a ton of things to think about in terms of this new job. What is the dress code? When I get paid at the end of August will it be for a full month? I have paperwork issues with license to deal with. I have to think about packing lunch (I refuse to eat school lunches daily...they are just plain gross, even after all these years!). I have to get clothes cleaned, ironed, sorted into outfits so I won't have to think about all of those things while I am acclimating to a new job. I am sure some shopping will be involved, even if for nothing other than shoes. (I doubt sneakers will be appropriate - lol) And I have to finish all of my work for my classes this summer and get registered for classes in the fall.

But through it all, I hope that I never fail in my effort to let you know how much you mean to me. You are the reason I have this job, Padrone. You encouraged me to begin this trek, to take that first test that built my confidence when I passed the first time. You made rules forcing me to study daily, and rewarded me for doing so. You believed in me, quietly, unwaveringly. You supported me, encouraged me, and gave me very real help in my schoolwork. Your pride in me now humbles me, my Love, even as it motivates me to be the best teacher I can be, to do the best job I can do, and most importantly, to strive to make a difference in the life of a child who has special needs. If I can help them learn to believe in themselves even half as much as you have helped me to believe in myself, then I will be proud.

I have said this before, Padrone, and I will say it forever. I could never have done this without you. You have given me a blueprint for helping my students, far more than any class or book ever could have. Care for them...love them....accept them where they are....believe in them....expect them to do their best....motivate them to strive for their goals....and show them how proud of them I am when they accomplish something difficult.

Because of you, Padrone, I will be a wonderful, wonderful teacher. I love you, my darling Padrone. You truly are my Hero.