La-La-La-La Life Goes On

Wow, I didn't realize just how long it has been since I have written here. Time seems to speed by nowadays, and yet it drags at the same time.

I am more and more grateful for my Master. Padrone gets aggravated with how busy I am now, I think, especially when I am very busy on the weekends as well. I do try to plan around our times online, but of course that isn't always possible. And so there are often times when we just....see each other in passing, in some ways, although we may spend as much actual time together as possible. Sometimes it seems as if all we talk about is what is going on in our lives, and that isn't necessarily as conducive for intimacy as we need.

I've lost touch with some friends as well, and even my kids have had to learn to fend for themselves more. I miss contact with those who support me. But I do know they are still supportive, which is very, very important to me.

Things at my work are...well, they are unstable. I don't mean my job itself. But there is so much instability in terms of what we are doing and who is supposed to do what, that nobody even knows what is going on. It's hard to figure out what I am expected to do, and for whom. I *am* learning, though, but apparently not quickly enough for some folks. It's alright. I have 18 more days until Christmas vacation, then I'm halfway through my first year! And I will be so busy with both work and school next semester that it is my hope that it passes very, very quickly.

School - my own schooling - is going well I think. One class is difficult to judge, however, because of unclear or unspecified expectations. I have to figure out how to videotape myself teaching as well, which will again be...interesting. But mid-December I will be finished and will apply for my 5 year license as soon as I get my grades from my internship. That license will open even more doors for me, and I have already begun networking with my classmates and have a lead on another job next year. The situation I am in is bearable for this year, but unless I am offered another placement in this school district, I won't be able to continue there. Of course, there is one teacher who is also actively looking for another job, and her job is one that I would enjoy, so I have not made a commitment to leaving by any means. We'll see. Let's just say that I can do this for the rest of the school year and leave it at that.

I have injured myself again, btw. I swear I never used to be such a klutz. But a few weeks ago I fell *up* the stairs. (go ahead, laugh) I thought I had possibly sprained my left wrist, went to the nurse for an ice pack, she sent me to the doctor "just in case". I had x rays for a suspected fracture, was sent to the orthopedic specialist who put me in a cumbersome splint thingy for a week, went back for more x rays and have now been told that there is ligament damage. We are waiting for approval for an MRI to find out just what is wrong with it. It is likely at least "stretched" ligaments (doc's term, not mine), more likely torn. Treatment will depend on what the MRI finds of course, but apparently will consist of (most probably) a cast for 4-8 weeks while ligaments heal. If it is a bad tear, surgery. I'm wearing a removable brace now, and frankly a cast, while a pain in the butt, will feel better because of all the support it will provide. IF they can do this, I plan to ask for a red and white striped cast - a candy cane cast - for the holidays. If they can't, it will be red for Alabama of course!

And so we've just had the most amazing time together. *sigh* It was extremely intense and powerful and fulfilling. I'm floating in that place of unfocused submission which has left me without words and without thoughts to type. Padrone, your control is amazing, and as necessary in my life as breathing. Grazie, mio Padrone. Thank you for controlling me, for making and keeping me yours.