D/S?

Padrone and I had a conversation the other day...well, probably weeks ago by now but anyway...it was all about how he believes that only strong women can truly submit. I want to argue every time I hear that, for lots of reasons - lol. But Padrone went so far as to say that he thinks we type it wrong...it shouldn't be D/s, but rather D/S, to indicate the equality of strength required by each person in the relationship.

I didn't argue with that, for some reason.

The bottom line is that I hate to admit that I am strong. I don't want to be strong. I get so tired of pretending to be strong.

Sometimes I wish I could simply let go of responsibility and just turn things over to Padrone to handle. I wish I could take a break from being strong. I wish I could find a couple of hours/days/weeks (I'd get too bored, that's just the stress talking) where I didn't have to think of anything. No decisions beyond what to fix for dinner. No questions to answer. No situations popping up to help deal with. No kids, teachers, administration with issues. No job hunt. No school. No work. Just me, a stack of books, and Padrone.

But the fact is that I *am* a strong woman. I am getting stronger as I get more confident, which is kind of strange, but it's true. Or maybe I am just noticing it in myself, which is truly amazing when compared to the person I used to be. And the stronger I become, and the more I recognize that strength, the stronger our relationship itself becomes.

See, I have a kind of an unusual philosophy regarding relationships in general.

I believe that strong relationships depend totally on balance. I think that we all recognize that the Dominant partner in this type of relationship is typically a strong type of person. And I think that most Dominants will acknowledge the strength of submissives even if we subs don't see it in ourselves, or don't want to see it. But the reality is that if we are emotionally weak or unstable, it doesn't matter how strong our Dominant partners are...the relationship will be weakened by our weakness. Especially, in my opinion, if the "weakness" is deliberate.

I know submissive women who are looking for their "Dom in shining armor" to take them away from it all. I call these mythical creatures Calgon Doms after the commercials for Calgon bath oil from years ago when the woman begged Calgon to "take me away". Oh yes, I love to have that kind of thing now and then - who doesn't? A time of pampering myself and recharging my batteries. But as a way of living? No...I could never be the princess always in need of rescuing. Besides which, often what these subs want to escape from is actually themselves. And no amount of Domliness could ever change a person who doesn't wish to change without being forced into it.

But if the partners are relatively balanced in their emotional strength and stability, then the relationship has the potential to be strong and healthy. Balance is the key in everything, when it comes to healthy relationships.

Which means that Padrone is right, even though there are times when I simply do not want to admit it. Submissives *are* strong women, and admitting strength means that one must be strong. No excuses, no running, no shifting. Yuck.

I'd much rather leave strength to Padrone, who does it so well.

Padrone, I admire you so much, for so many things, but your wisdom and common-sense way of looking at things top the list. I am so grateful that you have guided me (intentionally or just because it is how you look at things and you simply shared your philosophies with me) into a grudging admission of my own strength, and a similarly grudging admiration of how that strength has helped me become a better submissive, mother, teacher and most of all a better woman. Thank you, Padrone, for so many things that I can't even name. The gradual way which I have learned to value myself is a direct result of how you value me and how thoroughly, and beautifully, you show me the value you place on your tesoro. (I probably got that word wrong, but you know what I mean.) Forever yours, my Padrone. Forever.