What's the Attraction?

Well, hello again! First, a life update: I have taken another Praxis exam in hopes of adding another endorsement to my teaching license which would enable me to stay at the school district I was last year. It would also enable me to move to other areas far more easily since there are also so few of these types of teachers in the entire state, much less in my area. So we'll see. I just took it today so it will be a few weeks before I know the results. In the meantime I am still working on job hunting, of course, with my current certification. So it's kind of a wait-and-see situation, with me being proactive in the wait.

Daughter moved into the dorms at her college this summer, and so I am alone now for the most part. The ex is still here a lot and daughter hasn't yet made a complete break but I'm not complaining. It's unusual to even have as much time alone as I do have, and I'm enjoying it for the most part. I miss my kids of course, but I am enjoying the beginning of this new phase as well.

Padrone and I are just as happy as ever. He is the most encouraging, supportive man I know, y'all. I could be nothing, do nothing, if he weren't. I would still be working at some God-awful job if it weren't for his encouragement (and yes, I will go back to something like that if I have to, believe me.) But to know that I have the training and education and certification that allows me to do better when "better" opens up for me is far more wonderful than I can explain. And I owe every bit of that emotion to my Padrone. Yes, he will say that I did the hard work, but honestly....his work of believing in me until I believed in myself was far more difficult than anything I did myself, for sure.

So I owe so much to my Padrone, but our relationship doesn't work that way. I would not be where I am, *who* I am, if it weren't for him, but I daresay that the opposite is also true. Balance. Mutuality. A perfect symbiosis of male and female, Dominant and submission, Padrone and me.

What is it that draws me to him so powerfully? If you met him, you would see a very personable, pleasant, witty man who loves to laugh and has a very unique and refreshing way of looking at things. He is intelligent, dedicated, committed, loyal, creative. He is wicked when he wants to be, arrogant now and then. He can be very sexual, and a bit of a sadist but not for the sake of pain - more for the sake of the extreme power he feels when I suffer extremely for him. He is a tease, a tormenter, for the joy of my suffering and the focus on *him* that it brings.

He accepts so much about me that I never even saw before him. I thought I knew myself pretty well, and I would give lip service to things that I know now to be far more important and more vital aspects of myself than I ever dreamed. I would always say "I know I'm smart but..." and that was alright but the reality is that I *am* a very intelligent woman and I needn't minimize that or excuse it or act as if it is of far less importance than the negative parts of my personality simply because there *are* negative parts of my personality. Padrone's ability to see the good in me when I was so insistent on acting as if the good is not worth seeing, is one of the first things that I truly loved about this man.

He is a realist. Oh, he has his dreams, don't think he doesn't. His mind is never "off", and I am always amazed by the things he has been thinking when he chooses to share! He rarely discusses his ideas until they are pretty well thought out, and it's like his mind doesn't stop spinning in the background, even when we're discussing the weather and I'm wondering if he is bored cos there's little conversation going on! But he sees things realistically in general. That helps me gain so much perspective when I am having issues or my own mind is tearing on a tangent or spinning 90 to nothing. He can see the trees in the midst of the forest, or even the forest instead of the trees if need be. He can really put things into a realistic perspective in terms of what can be done and what should be done, and what can't or shouldn't be done. I don't know if it is him being male that is the reason for it, or if it is that is just his unique ability, but it is highly unusual, in my experience. Maybe it is as much that he cares about doing what is best for *me* and not just what makes him feel better as a Master or whatever.

And that, my friends, is the most wonderful thing about this man, to me. He truly cares about my life, my circumstances, my happiness. Just as I care about his. That is the reason that from the very beginning of our relationship he spent a lot of time learning about my life in general. He developed rules, expectations, and consequences that are an expression of his knowledge of my life and also of his unique ability to control without being unreasonably intrusive simply to enforce some arbitrary expectation of what and how "his slave" will be/do/behave. That's what I have always wanted to capture with my words but until now have never even come close. But from the very beginning, Padrone wanted a personal relationship with a woman, not a general "Master/slave" relationship that could happen with any woman who was obedient and submissive enough to follow a generic set of rules.

And that attribute is priceless, and brings tears to my eyes every single time I think about it, bar none.

Padrone, I am so grateful that you are who you are. You always ask me to tell you who I am, but you may not understand that who I am is made so much more....everything....because of who *you* are. I am deeply grateful for all the things I didn't understand early in our relationship because I was expecting a generic "Master". I am still so amazed that you simply wanted a personal, intimate relationship and that you realized just how much *more* personal and intimate it can be when D/s is unique to the individual relationship. How patient you were to wait for me to "catch up" to your desire and experience and understanding of how it can be, and how to get it there....Padrone, I adore you. I am so grateful for who you are, and I love you more than words can say. I am yours....and so humbled that you are mine as well. Grazie, mio meraviglioso Padrone. Simply yours.