Three years ago, my nick changed to reflect the ownership of the most wonderful man, and the most wonderful Master, i have ever met. Three years ago, the changed nick was merely a foreshadowing of the changes that being His slave, His woman, would bring into my life.
i am the luckiest woman alive to belong to this man. i have said it so often that it may seem mundane to some, but the truth is that my Master turned me around, and molded me, shaped me, into the slave, the woman, i am today.
In the past three years i have grown and changed, i have moved beyond the hurt, hiding girl with walls so high nobody could reach her. In these three years, i have learned more about life and living, about people and personalities, than i ever dreamed i didn't know. In these past three years, i have learned what it means to be in a commited relationship, to give and take and compromise and listen and speak and suffer and hurt and grow and love and laugh.
Padrone's ownership is unceasing, it is absolute, and it completes my life in ways i can't ever explain, but for once i will try.
At work, at home, at the grocery store, at the ball field, wherever i am, Padrone is with me as well. If i behave well, i feel His pride in me, and if i make a mistake, i sense His correction. When i text Him, i feel His response to what He reads, even if it is just satisfaction at my obedience and nothing more. When i am scared, i can feel His strength, and His confidence in my own strength, flowing through me. i have taken lessons He has taught me and incorporated them into my everyday life, in positive ways - positive for me at least. i have learned how to be strong and stand up for myself without being bitchy or pushy or ugly. i have learned to be a strong, confident woman, and that is mainly because i finally realize - that is who Padrone deserves for me to be, and it is who He believes that *i* deserve to be as well.
And that leads me to another point. Padrone believes in me. Padrone believes that i have what it takes to be successful in life, something i have never, ever felt about myself. He believes in my strength, in my abilities, in my potential, in my mind, and in my heart. He knows that i will struggle to succeed, struggle within myself for so many reasons, but He knows i can make it through. And that confidence usually sparks my own in myself, and will be what keeps me going in the next few months as more major changes happen in my life.
Padrone not only accepts the differences between men and women, but He understands most of them - at least that they do indeed exist - and our relationship has become more and greater and better because of that acceptance and understanding. He allows me to be myself, even when He doesn't understand my reaction or thoughts. He gives me the freedom to be myself, to express myself respectfully. He doesn't want to change me, although if there is something He would like to see me to differently, He generally has ways to let me know without turning it into an issue.
Padrone hates to punish me, although He will without hesitation if i need it. He doesn't expect me to be perfect. He has taught me that, even as slave, it is normal for me to make human mistakes and not strive to be perfect slave. He allows me to make mistakes, do the punishment, then move on.
Padrone punishes me in appropriate ways. i would not be given 60 lashes with a belt for speaking to Him in a tone He didn't like. i would not be forced to sleep on the floor for a week because i didn't ask Him about something He has been mentioning Himself for several weeks. He wouldn't use me and not allow me to cum for simply not going into a position He requires of me nightly. i am sure there would be punishment for those things, (maybe not for not asking for what He had always given Himself, but if so He would talk with me about it when the punishment was given). If i disagreed with the punishment, He would talk with me about it, and make His choice accordingly.
Padrone has said repeatedly that He cannot control my feelings. Those are my own, and always will be. He *can* and *does* control my actions, but i will think and feel what i will, and there is nothing He can (or would) do about it. i would never be punished for feeling a certain way about something, or not being in the right mood or mindset. i would be punished, however, if i allowed my feelings to cause me to act badly.
Padrone respects my family life, and enjoys being as much a part of it as He can. After much deliberation, i told one of my kids about Him, although not the nature of the relationship. It has been so nice to have someone to talk with, who understands and is excited for me and for us. She is also slowly getting to know Padrone, who she calls the "Big E" sometimes - E is His initial.
Padrone has been through hell owning me, yet has stayed so commited to our relationship, has never given up on me, nor did He allow me to push Him away as i, as is usual with submissives in a new relationship, tried to do long ago. There have been times when it seemed that every conversation had new problems, new obstacles, new circumstances to overcome, and yet He never complained about it. Sometimes He doesn't like when i don't have time to devote to His pleasure, yet rarely has He ever even voiced any impatience, and never a complaint.
Padrone is amazingly patient. He is teaching me that patience is hard won sometimes, and yet it is worth everything one goes through to learn it. He is teaching me that spontaniety has its rewards, yet thinking things through, even if it takes weeks or even months, can bring even sweeter ones.
Padrone has shown me that loving someone isn't about three little words, nor is it about romance or the feelings that come when someone else does something to make me happy. Love begins when one's needs are met, and continues to grow only as sharing needs means that there are more needs met, rather than unmet. Our love began with D/s needs, and has grown to fill our lives beyond the formal Master/slave dynamic.
Padrone has taught me what it truly means to be a slave in general, and just what being His slave means.
Slavery isn't merely being owned, it is being treasured.
Slavery isn't merely being collared, it is being loved.
Slavery isn't merely being controlled, it is being surrendered.
Slavery isn't merely being used, it is being given freely in use.
Slavery isn't merely being in a role, it is being me.
i am His slave, He is my Master, it is who we are, how we live, and not what we do.
As His slave, i have blossomed as the fiore He calls me. His flower, opening to Him alone, revealing all that is inside me, the good things that i can't always see... the bad things that i magnify....the ugly self that i try hard to keep hidden ... the beautiful brokenness that has come through total surrender... the trust in the safety of His control ... the heart that beats for Him...the mind that surrenders to Him ... the soul that lives for Him.
This is something i found in the post i typed last year in my blog, but it stands true now, and always will:
Thank You for the love that i had to learn to see.
Thank You for the patience that lets me grow.
Thank You for the focus on Your slave that frees me to focus on You so totally.
Thank You for the acceptance that creates safety.
Thank You for using my body, my mind, my emotions, for Your pleasure.
Thank You for needing the depths of submission that i could never before express.
Thank You for believing in me.
Thank You for being someone i can also believe in.
Thank You, Padrone, for owning me so beautifully.
Happy Anniversary, my Owner, my Love....i am grateful that our future will be as wonderful as these past three years.
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