Ups and Downs....and Roll Tide!

It's been quite a week, an emotional roller coaster but things are calm now, and happy, and peaceful. That's what Padrone and i work so hard to attain, even though we realize that things are going to happen to disrupt the peacefulness now and then.

We each came to realize that the holidays can be dangerous for relationships in some pretty subtle ways, the most glaring in its subtlety is the taking for granted of each other. You know, even though we each understand that it is easier for us to take each other for granted given the long distance nature of our relationship, it can, and does, sometimes happen. It's insidious, and usually not recognizable until it has caused a problem, but glaringly obvious as a root cause when the problem happens.

Sometimes i guess it's necessary to reevaluate things, where we stand, what we want and need and can realistically give. It's easy to fall into routines, to put things off, to decide that (insert action here) isn't really necessary. For me, especially, so much of what i do is voluntary....in other words, i offer my submission through actions and words, freely and openly. That means so much to Padrone when i do it, and i love to please him of course, and so i usually work hard to try to find ways, or even use the same ways i know will please him, to show my submission. Lately i have failed in that aspect....and yes, he had come to take them for granted, so when they weren't as obvious as they had been in the past, it created a problem. He loves to feel my submission, and of course submission is sometimes defined by one's obedience even when it's tough...it is sometimes shown through words and gestures that are easy. It's almost always easy for me to show Padrone what he means to me.

Lately, though, i had let life prevent me from focusing on him as much as i usually do. It's been a heckuva month for me, well two months really but the last month has been especially hard. And so even when we were together it was a time of distraction rather than focus.

i know it's going to happen in any relationship, long distance or face to face. The thing that helps us maintain our closeness is that we are "together" all day long in terms of me obeying and him controlling (read more about my "framework" of rules and expectations if you'd like to know more). So when we are together talking, we can have "quality" time, usually without distractions and usually quite focused on each other - even if just chit-chatting. It's like a married couple setting aside an hour or so a day just to devote to each other. So our communication is good, very strong, and that is one key to the success of our relationship.

So when something disrupts that focus, it can have damaging effects on our relationship. We've each taken the other for granted lately, though, and that is the snake that slithered in and began to poison our communication.

But now....things are incredible again, another storm weathered, love, passion, D/s, devotion...all restored beautifully. It took talking it out, being painfully honest with each other, keeping tempers in check, squashing the normal defensiveness that is a result of honest communication, and being open to change what we have to change....but the only way any of that could possibly happen is because of the deep level of commitment we each have to our relationship and to each other.

Anyway, the other good thing that happened this week is that Alabama won the BCS National Championship game!!! Roll Tide!!!! i'm STILL psyched about that one! What a magical, special year for these kids, this team! Yep, i love me some Bama football, that's for sure!

Padrone, i hope i conveyed to You how sorry i am for the upset of early this week, and i am so deeply and indescribably grateful for the communication...thank you for bringing up your concerns. Thank you for opening the conversation. Thank you for not letting my misunderstanding of your meanings become problems. Thank you for being open to my point of view. Thank you for admitting to your part in our problems, and for accepting that responsibility. Thank you for forgiving, and for asking forgiveness. Thank you for being the man you are, Padrone, who maintains our relationship as a very high priority in your life, and who will work as hard as you expect me to work in order to maintain its health and our happiness.

i am so blessed, Padrone, to belong to You. i adore You.