Well, Hello Again

It's been a while since i typed here, not from lack of desire to do so, but from lack of time mostly. i've been working and finalizing everything i needed to do for school, AND applying for jobs and i've even had one interview at least!

i've still got some emotions "simmering" from the last deeply humiliating time with Padrone. It was something i did that i had imagined doing many, many times. It was always interesting, harsh, humiliating, degrading, emotional, difficult, humiliating, and....did i mention humiliating?

This one "got" me. i can't deal with all the emotions right now, i have FAR too much on my plate. It will eventually surface and have to be dealt with, but i sincerely hope it won't be anytime soon. i like when emotions are calm. We both love when things are "boring".

Son is home from school, waiting for time for his own online classes to start. Daughter is studying for her college entrance exam, and i'm getting "antsy" to begin my classes. For Mother's Day i got a new messenger bag, large enough for a laptop as well as the books i'll need for any given class. i have orientation this week, and hopefully i can get my books and supplies then. i'll have to check and see if my Tuesday night class will begin on the 1st or if it will be the following week.

i'm nervous and excited and anxious and ready!

EXCEPT for the fact that i honestly believe it will be something that will affect our relationship...or maybe it will just affect the time we have to spend together. i really hope it doesn't, but i know me, and i know how .... single minded i can become. i hope Padrone is ready for lots of discussions about special ed, and classroom management!

We've not had a lot of time to spend specifically devoted to the D/s aspects of our relationship lately, but it's still there. Sometimes it's just the latency that makes it so more special when the D/s comes to the forefront. This man, this man is such a wonderful, wonderful man.

i am so lucky. This man that owns me is one of the most understanding people i have ever met. He loves that i am pursuing my dream, even though it may mean a bit of stress in our relationship, and in my life, for a time. He encourages me, supports me, makes sure i make the time to do what i am supposed to do, and i know he'll be the same way with my school. i know he'll make sure i've studied or done my papers or whatever. Two nights a week our time will be either nonexistent or earlier than usual - not a major problem but an adjustment. i guess that's what i know will have to happen - lots of adjustments.

And i feel incredibly guilty for it - for all the adjustments. Sometimes it seems as if our entire relationship has been a series of nothing more than adjustments, and they all come from my side. Stresses, changes, dramas, emergencies....adjustments...constantly, it seems like.

But i know Padrone doesn't mind - too much at least! He understands, accepts, and usually loves that my life is what he calls "interesting" *rolling eyes*. And here i have always thought i was nothing more than a country girl with a boring, boring life!

i'm ready, Padrone, for classes to begin. i'm ready to make the next step towards the future. i'm ready to find out about whether or not i got the job i interviewed for, or to find another one. i'm ready for things to settle, in a very, very good way, Padrone. i'm ready to teach, to make better money, to have a better schedule, to have more benefits. i'm ready to have more to offer You, Padrone, of myself, my heart, my time, my emotions. i long to give You all You deserve, my Owner, although i know that i will never ever accomplish that, no matter how hard i try. All i can give is what You already own - all of me.