An update, and a few thoughts as a bonus

I have a new job. It isn't teaching, although I am still looking for a teaching job. My new employer knows of my ambitions, and approves (she has her own disabled sons, and husband, as well as having a Masters in Special Education as well - she definitely understands my drive). What she has offered me is not what I hoped for, but there is room for advancement in her home-grown yet professional business. She said she has been looking for "someone like me" and I can't get into any more detail than that here. Needless to say I am ready to start on Tuesday.

This job will be far less stressful, far more relaxing, and FAR more rewarding, both personally and professionally, than where I was. That's no slap to my old job - someone HAS to do it and the type of person they usually hire are uneducated, sometimes ignorant and proud of it, types of folks. It was a truly dead end job, and while my new one is not what I hope to do forever, at least I feel as if I *could* do it for a long time, because of the advancement that is not just a possibility, but what *will* happen.

Padrone, i haven't even told *You* this yet, but my new employer is going to let me work with her two disabled sons at her home, where the office is, and where the things she will be training me in also are. Yay!

This is not one of those pie in the sky promises, although of course we haven't discussed any kind of pay rate change as I advance - it will happen. We'll cross that bridge when we come to it. I am still planning on taking a couple of classes as well, but with the reduced stress of the job I am working, as well as the longer semester in which to learn the same amounts of material, the pressure will be far less than it was over the summer.

So the next few weeks will bring about more changes, but I no longer feel as if I am spinning my wheels. I am grateful for that, believe me!

And I've kind of revisited the reason for my blog. I've been neglecting to write here much, mainly because of time. But I also kind of wanted to make sure of my own motives in writing here.

I don't play the numbers game. I look at them now and then - number of followers, number of page visits, etc. And now and then I look to see where folks live that are visiting my blog. I find that interesting, actually...and how they found me. Usually it's through a link on another blog, or maybe from my profile when I've commented on someone's blog, and now and then via a google search. (Usually I'm found with keywords regarding humiliation of some sort...I guess I've typed that a lot or something - lol)

But numbers mean nothing to me. I mean, they don't even mean "little", they mean nothing. I love getting comments, and I love hearing from folks who read my blog and maybe understand me a little, since I have nobody in my "real life" that I could ever talk with about any of this. I would love to develop deeper friendships with some of the folks I've gotten to know through blogging.

But the harsh reality is that I write here for me, and for Padrone. It is a public blog, yes. I am more careful how I word things or how I present my ideas and thoughts, and I also spend more time explaining things happening in my life that Padrone already knows than I would if others didn't read it, but maybe not...I've kind of always done that, because this is a place for me to put things into perspective and try to express fleeting things in concrete terms.

I read others' blogs. I am interested in how others live their lives as submissives and slaves. I smile with the recognition of myself in some of you, and I am amazed at what are stumbling blocks for others. We are all unique, and what is easy for some of you may bring me to my knees (figuratively, get your mind out of the gutter!). What you struggle with may come more easily to me. But I don't judge, and I don't compare, and I don't type things here with any thoughts of anyone else in my mind, typically.

I type here what I am thinking, feeling, experiencing. This place is all about me, my relationship with my Master, my thoughts, my emotions, my history, my life. I know it's boring at times (no comment, Padrone - lol). I know it is self centered. But it is real, it is honest...it is me.

And, again, as harsh as it may sound...I don't type here to please anyone but myself. Even Padrone says "it's your blog, type what you please".

So, please understand, what I type here may sound simple to you, it may sound backwards or even not submissive. And my personality is quite complicated, and a bit needy. I'm not like others, our relationship is not like others, and my blog...well, it just won't be like others either.

And I kind of like it that way.

Padrone, thank you for helping me gain the confidence to understand all of what I just typed. I'm quite lucky, and very, VERY blessed, to be yours. The feeling seems to be renewed every day, and I am filled with joy, pure and simple, because of you. I do adore you, my Love. Grazie.