My Power, My Pleasure, My Pain

There are so many thoughts running through my brain, and none of them seem very well formed, so this particular blog post may make absolutely no sense at all. But it is what it is, whatever that may be!

First, I am very much enjoying my semester so far. The changed assignment has been so very different than the other situation was, and I thoroughly enjoy going to work again now. I am very grateful for the change!

My school started back last week, and until the first full week of March I will have two classes per week, so it will be interesting but good. I'll be busy of course. I am going to get some help with one of my assignments from the teachers on my new hall, since they are very much the type of people who will help me out like that. I love it, I really love it, y'all.

But on to what is strongly on my mind....

I have seen so much discussion lately about the relative ease or difficulty of submission. I have read blog posts written by women who seem to constantly struggle to be pleasing and respectful, and I have read blog posts by those who would have us believe that their submission is the pinnacle that we should all strive towards.

And it just seems to me that so many people aren't in this lifestyle to be who they are, to fulfill their lives by being freed to express their very core as fully as possible. I understand that the level of Dominance and submission in each person's makeup is different. I understand these things are relative and extremely individual. But I have stopped reading many blogs because of these very reasons.

I know it doesn't matter ... my blog reading habits that is. But I just wish I could say...just be yourself, be happy in what you do. If that isn't possible, then rethink it. The whole purpose for any relationship, and the dynamics within it, is to make the participants happy. If there is more strife than peace, then something isn't working. I am also not talking situationally, but rather generally, of course.

I think this type of relationship has become more popular in recent years, to the extent that many people are trying to live a fantasy that is being perpetuated faster than those who would try to present a realistic view of how we live D/s can overcome. It seems that our voices are becoming like cries in the wilderness. We are being dismissed as "downers" while the glowing accounts of the perfect life of D/s are perpetuated as gospel. I understand the appeal. What I find disturbing is the effects on so many people when the unrealistic expectations of D/s as the ultimate problem-solving dynamic fails. Instead of people looking at their expectations as being unrealistic, they tend to judge themselves, and that is ...destructive. I know this, as some of you know, from personal experience.

I do, at times, still struggle with the idea of perfection in my submission. And you know, I think Padrone has created a situation in our relationship that allows me to be as "perfect" in my submission as I can be. His expectations are things that are not unrealistic, although they do require diligence on my part to perform. But frankly, if I were expected to stifle my sassy attitude, or my analytical nature, or even my questioning him at times, then both of us know that neither of us would be happy in this relationship. You know...if Padrone doesn't like who I am, then he would not be happy anyway. And if I didn't care enough about Padrone to speak to him with respect, then I would not be happy either.

I have said for years that this type of relationship is not a power exchange...it is an exchange of authority and responsibility. It is a defining of roles, with expectations of behavior on both sides of the / defined within those roles. It is a definite and outward show of respect on the part of the submissive partner, and a constant attitude of respect on the part of the Dominant.

But Padrone is no more powerful in this relationship than I am. He has the control and the authority and the responsibility yes. But his *power* is only equal to my own. He cannot control me any more powerfully than I submit. The little ways that I show my submission are often very powerful in and of themselves, in that they increase his own feeling of power over me. That is why Padrone loves the spontaneous, unsolicited, shows of submission as much as the formality that is inherent in our communication. And you know what? we can feel just as Dominant or submissive as we want to, but without the consensual expression of it, it means absolutely nothing.

I think what I am trying to say is that we are nothing without each other. We are so much in love, and so very appreciative of each other, that showing it is natural and so very fulfilling. But it is only because Padarone has been amazingly patient and caring and concerned with making it work. Rules, punishments, expectations, corrections, discipline, use...everything has changed and grown as we have changed and grown. Our circumstances change, as everyone's do, and Padrone sees that far better and much sooner than I do. He is flexible and adaptable, which means that our relationship grows and changes in wonderful and positive ways. What *doesn't* change, however, is who we are and they fact that we express it in ways that we both need in our lives. This song, by Seal, has a line that caught my attention on the way home from work the other day. I just like it, and thought I would share: