Sunday, March 18, 2012

Keeping it Simple



Submission is not an emotion.

It is a choice.

To submit, we must make a choice to honor another person's authority over us and give him the right to require certain things of us. Believe it or not, the only things another person can require of us are in relation to whatever behaviors they wish to control.

Another person cannot control our emotions.

Obedience is the expression of the choice we make to submit. If we do not feel the way we wish to feel through the obedience to another person's requirements, then it would probably be a good time for some heart to heart conversations. However, all we can do at that point, if we have chosen to submit, is to wait and trust that the one we love, trust, and respect enough to have chosen to submit to...loves, trusts, and respects us just as much.

Sometimes we want a "magic fix" when we aren't feeling the emotions we want to feel. Sometimes, in my vanilla relationships, I don't always "feel" strong emotions. Sometimes with Padrone I don't feel like doing what he wants me to do (like when he has me sit with my ass filled with a 6 inch cock shaped dildo while we talk online. Does that lack of "feeling" mean that something is wrong with the relationship, the way we "do" things, or even me? Of course not!

The key is to do it anyway. And after all the time we have been together, I do it without thought or questions. And he knows that if I were to express something that would be of concern regarding what he orders me to do, that there is a circumstance that he should know about before I obey.

I don't always feel submissive, but I do try to obey. The obedience is the means through which the choice I made long ago to submit to this man is expressed most powerfully. As Padrone taught me a *long* time ago....emotions are internal, but behaviors are for public consumption. No he didn't say it that way, but that is how I internalized it.

What that means is simply what I said in the beginning. Nobody can control how I feel...and I will go further and say that I know of noone who would like that kind of responsibility, even if they had the ability. But how I behave, on the other hand, is Padrone's to control. Why? Because I chose, a long time ago, to grant him the authority to control those behaviors he chooses to control. And honestly, controlling my behavior is a huge responsibility in and of itself!

You know...there *are* rules in place that are designed to create situations to allow me to feel the emotions created by submission. But as I have mentioned before, somewhere in this blog, even when I am in slave position before going to sleep at night, I am sometimes planning my next day's wardrobe or thinking of football (or whatever vanilla thing may cross my mind). The same goes for wearing my slave number on my body all the time. I don't always *feel* submissive when I write it on myself...sometimes all I think is "dad-gummit, I am in a HURRY this morning!"

He provides me the opportunity to focus on my life as his slave, or on the emotions I feel from having made the choice to submit to him. But he cannot force me to think of those things, or to feel emotions he chooses for me to feel. He cannot even force me to obey; I obey because of the choice made long ago to submit to him.

The emotions come from my own needs being met. I make Padrone happy, truly happy. I fulfill his life in ways I can only imagine, just as he does mine. I have an intense, burning need to bring him pleasure - physically yes, but emotionally above all things. I do that...I make a choice to do things that will please him. I choose to behave in ways he finds pleasing. I choose to (try to) not do things that displease him. All of these things are behaviors, however. The emotions come from having my own needs met, whatever they may be. And when the attitude of making the other happy is reciprocated, then the emotions do nothing but deepen and grow and make me melt in a nice mushy puddle at Padrone's feet.

Relationships change, they grow, they mutate and evolve. It happens. Life is not static, circumstances are far from unchanging. We as humans grow and change as we mature (thank God. Seriously. I *do* teach Junior High here). Our relationship needs also grow and change as the relationship matures. So do our partner's. That is why I say that I try to think of new ways to please Padrone....I know that what pleased him last year may not be what he wants today.

Padrone, we have talked about this so much that I know you are likely bored reading this blog post! But I would like to say to you .... thank you for whatever it is that you did in my life (we may forever disagree on the extent of your influence in all the changes) that helped me to become the person I am today. I do know, although it just this moment hit me like a ton of bricks, slow woman I can be at times, that what you find most pleasure in is in me, the woman, not in any particular thing I could do. Me as a person, rather than any behavior, and I adore you for that simple reason most of all. I am going to let the tears flow now, my love, my wonderful, wonderful man.

2 comments:

mouse said...

Very wonderfully said!!

Hugs,
mouse

schiava said...

Thank you! It was surprisingly difficult to write coherently, so I am glad it worked!