Thoughts on Relationships (Again)

I have been making the rounds of the blog world today, and I have a ton of thoughts running through my head. So many of us are going through different, difficult things. We all seem to be struggling in one area of our lives or another. I guess we always do, and maybe we're just now getting confident enough in our vulnerability to share some of our struggles publicly. Who knows?

But maybe that confidence is a false confidence, built solely upon approval and crumbling with criticism. It's so hard to do what we do. There are no roadmaps, no matter how many words are typed or spoken or presented. There is no how-to guide, no "slavery for dummies" books, no D/s dictionary. And we forget, so often, the simple truth that what we have is a relationship.

Picture every other relationship in your life, in your history. There were probably unspoken guidelines about how to make each other happy, even in relationships that didn't last. I'm talking friendships, family, as well as romantic relationships. I know that, with my family, certain things aren't discussed. As hard as that can be for me, it is best for the health of the family. Friendships are very difficult for me because of the vulnerability required. I can't seem to...move beyond a level of intimacy with a friend that becoming a "good friend" requires. But I have in the past, several times. I guess part of it is the "once burned, twice shy" mentality - of course it is.

My point is that simply because we add D/s elements to a relationship, with specific rules and consequences as a part of it, does that mean that what we know and have experienced about relationships as a whole is thrown out the window entirely?

Specifically, as submissives, do we TRULY just ignore our own needs and focus on our Dominant's needs solely? Do we TRULY pretend that our every need as a human is met when we meet the needs of our partner? Does admitting that we need something more, or different, or even less constant focus on another person make us that terrible terrible thing....a "bad submissive"?

Personally, I am the most blessed submissive I know. I have a partner, a Master, a Padrone, who understands that no matter how strong the D/s, that if that is all there is to a relationship it is destined to fail. He loves me as the person I am, and his first expectation of me is that I take care of myself. He can't live in my head, or in my heart, and no matter how open I am with him, he cannot know everything I am thinking or feeling. So he can't always predict when I will have needs on a personal level that exist simply because I am a woman. But Padrone is quite perceptive and extremely understanding and flexible in general. He wants what he wants, but he also has said from the moment we met - a happy slave serves better. He has finally reached the point that he and I are WAY beyond that mentality. He admits that now he just loves to make me happy just because he loves for me to be happy. Blessed, right?

But isn't that how every relationship in our lives is? Isn't the reason we are in a relationship is because we can make another person happy? And trust that someone else wants to make us happy in return?

So if that is a reasonable assumption, then I would think that many of the relationship "rules" for other types of relationships would also apply to D/s relationships. For instance, needing distance now and then. For instance, needing a break from a routine. For instance, worrying when our loved one does something dangerous or new or beyond their comfort zone. And so many, many more.

I know that Padrone worries about me because I have such a long drive to and from work, and I have had unreliable transportation since I started to teach. But I also know that the worry is not because he feels that I am incapable of getting myself to and from work but rather due to so many things that are out of his control - and mine as well for that matter. But does he worry simply because he is Dominant and I am submissive and there are things that he cannot control? Or does he worry because he loves me and when I drive for so long there is a greater chance for an accident or a breakdown to happen (as he would worry even if we had no D/s element in our relationship)? Or maybe a combination of both? I do not believe it is solely the first option, and because I don't believe that, I see that it falls into one of those "rules" that apply to every type of relationship.

I guess what my meandering words are trying to say is that we often make this type of relationship so complicated, so complex. We get so caught up in the D/s aspects that we can, at times, forget about the people we are and the needs we have that are so common to everyone in any sort of relationship. We tend to forget that we type it backwards when we say D/s relationship - it is a relationship first, with D/s as a means of expressing our personalities and meeting each other's needs within the relationship.

Padrone, I am eternally grateful that these things seem to be instinctive for you. Since you understand *so* much, I am incredibly lucky to belong to you. I love that our relationship has moved into a less-stressful type of relationship than it was early on. I do realize that things have happened, usually on my end, that have created stress for us but the relationship itself has almost always been solid and stable. Our D/s dynamic has evolved into what it is now, and I know it will evolve even more in the future. Most of that is because of you, il Padrone mio, and the way you have altered things when needed and simply recreated things when needed as well. I love where we are now, Padrone. Almost as much as I love you! I am, indeed, a very blessed woman.