Changes, Changes. Always Changes.

Padrone and I are wonderful, just wanted to get that stated up front. The issues aren't with us, they are with me. And they are not relationship issues.

I have been told that my contract will not be renewed at the school district where I am working. It has nothing to do with my job performance; totally to the contrary actually. The reality is that the numbers of Special Education students in the district dropped enough that the State cut funding for one Sped teacher. I was the last one hired, so the first one let go.

It makes a lot of sense, and of course I would never expect them to keep me and let a teacher with more experience go.

But the effect of it all has been that I feel very vulnerable again, and all the feelings of helplessness and hopelessness that were so prevalent in my last job search have unexpectedly risen to the surface, giving me some heightened emotions to deal with, and for Padrone to deal with as well of course. That man is absolutely incredible and he knows me very well. It is almost as if he knew what I would be feeling before it happens.

I am job hunting, and I know of a couple of jobs already. I have a more acceptable license (not alternate license as of July 1, with a couple of endorsements that I didn't have before). I have a year's experience now that I didn't have then. So I am in a better place professionally, which is a very good thing. I know these things in my mind, but of course being forced into another job hunt is...really difficult.

I'm alright. I really am. Padrone has really helped in so many ways and I think he was more prepared because the superintendent had told me of the possibility a week before he lowered the axe. I thought I was too, but...oh well...the reality has been a bit strenuous.

So, we have had a couple of really good relationship discussions, but I am not in the right head space to discuss them. Tomorrow will be a very difficult day, of course, and I'll be all mushy tomorrow night.

Padrone, thank you for your steadiness, your stability, your solidity. I love you, my Padrone, and I am indescribably grateful that I am yours. Forever, totally, irrevocably yours. Thank you. Just thank you.