As The World Turns...or something like that

It has been such a nice Easter break! I have thoroughly enjoyed the 3 days off so far, and plan to enjoy today as well. I've missed Padrone because our individual family lives have prevented us from being together as much as we would have liked. But there is plenty of time for us....like the rest of our lives.

I'm in the midst of filling out applications once more, but I am in a better place now than I was the first time around. I have experience and am fully certified now, so that's a great thing. I love being able to provide all the information asked for in the application, rather than saying "eligible for certification" or whatever was as appropriate as possible. Being able to describe my experiences and to feel confident that I have done a lot more in one year than many Special Education teachers do in their entire careers is priceless to me. I am not sure that I could step into a job and remember everything about all the things I have learned to do this year, but unless I am hired in another extremely small school district I expect to have a more specialized job than the "jill of all trades" I have been at this district.

So I have a lot on my mind. But I have also been looking within myself for more ways to express the submission that floods my soul. It will get easier as the end of the school year approaches as well, because the extremely stressful, busy days are mostly behind me. There is one more day of it, possibly. The website that I use to upload the data which I have worked for weeks collecting, crashed on Friday as I was uploading it. (I can either do it from home today or I can wait and do it tomorrow. The Sped Director first said not to do it from home, but the Case Manager said "the website won't be so busy over the weekend" so I am kind of expected to do it this weekend. I don't plan to but if I get bored today I may.)

But once that particular bit of work is completed, I will have a lot less stress on me. I will be expected to work with my students, of course, and finish the objectives for the class I teach for students getting a Modified Diploma, but those things are not nearly as stressful as the past few weeks have been. I'm glad, since now I can begin to refocus on Padrone more fully once more. If we lived together I could have served him when I was home. Talking about our days with each other would have been a part of our evenings, but our interactions would be different, and would have been able to last until I went to bed. But as it is, our time together is limited in both duration and scope, which means that I have to really be creative to try to express my submission between our discussion of our respective days, and more recently the dreaded job search as well.

So one thing I did was to ask to have my ass filled a lot this weekend, and I was told to for a while then the holiday interfered. It's no big deal, since the holiday takes precedence of course. But it's also why I am seriously considering taking the summer off from school, and finishing my Masters next summer. I haven't had time to just give everything to Padrone without some kind of distraction in a long, long time. If I take the classes this summer, I'll have one week off between the end of my work/school until the beginning of summer school...and probably not even a full week off at the end of summer classes before a new work/school year begins in a new school and district. Of course since all I will have, hopefully, *is* two classes, it wouldn't be nearly as demanding as it has been in the past with work that first summer, and daughter's accident last summer. So I am considering it, but I don't really know just what I will do yet of course. We'll see. I haven't yet talked with Padrone about it, so he is just learning of it now too, unless we've had time to talk before he reads this post. I know he wants me to finish but somehow I am not totally sure he would be extremely upset with me for wanting to give him all my attention this summer, for some reason or other. We'll see.

So that's it. Life is having its usual (for me) ups and downs, but other than job hunting (again) it is quite manageable. And I likely wouldn't be thinking of postponing my summer classes until next summer if I didn't have to think of job hunting, frankly. But at this point it is so hard to think of focusing on classes when I am so distracted by the unknown again.

Padrone, I hope you understand why I am thinking this way. I know you'll be able to cut straight to the heart of the situation and help me see things more clearly, to help me focus on the options in a less subjective way. That is one of the things I admire most about you, Padrone - your ability to see the trees *and* the forest (if that makes no sense, I'll explain the old saying later). Thank you for simply being who you are, and for letting me be so completely who I am. I love you for allowing me to have different opinions and ideas regarding so many things without being judgmental or trying to convince me that my opinions and ideas are wrong simply because they are not yours. Respect is probably the thing I value most of all the gifts you give to me, because respect is the foundation for everything else you do. Thank you, my Padrone, for such a wonderful, beautiful, most cherished gift.