Memorial Day thoughts

The hardest times are when one or the other of us have ISP problems...lol. It's been His turn lately, although i did today....but not during a time when we were expecting to be online together anyway, so it really didn't matter.

i love surprising Him, with little things and big ones. i haven't had a chance to surprise with anything big for a while, but even the little things are fun. Like a bj in channel in IRC today, when He just thought He was coming online to be social. LOL, i didn't mean for it to go the direction it did, but somehow i can't seem to help myself when i am with Him.

For me, today is a day in which snuggling with Him physically would be nice. It's Memorial Day here, lots of families doing things together, and i would love to be doing something family oriented with Him here with us. i can imagine just hanging out, kids coming and going from the neighborhood, the two of us grilling, me fixing the rest of dinner and serving it....just typical family things, on this holiday. i do think of Him being here during times like these, but it is more of a "how nice that would be" rather than a "god i wish He was here". There is acceptance and desire, but not desperation or railing against reality. i'm not sure i am explaining how i feel well at all, but.....it doesn't really matter. i understand it anyway..lol.

i think that is the main ingredient that has allowed our relationship to be so very real and meaningful to both of us, acceptance of reality and its limitations. That acceptance allows us to revel in what we have, rather than dwell on what we don't have and let it eat away at us. Our relationship moved beyond a scene very early, and it has grown because it meets needs in our lives, not just in a part of our respective psyches. We need from each other what the other brings. i need the control....the total control of that which He chooses to control, that He gives. (i phrased it that way for a reason. i am a firm believer that *no* person can totally and absolutely control another, but what i give Him, more than anything else, is the authority over my life for Him to choose what He wishes to control and not to control.) He needs the surrender of that which He chooses to control, and submission in that surrender, that i give. And we each know that it isn't words on a computer screen. Each of us....well, recognize the true person in the other, and that is what sparked initially, and which has allowed the spark to grow into a steady, slow burning flame. i'm getting into a very convoluted area here, so i will just stop.

i think the point i am trying to make is that we have made a choice to bring our relationship into our lives. It not only affects us, it....is a very rich and colorful thread in the tapestry of our individual lives.....the life we are making together, even while physically separated.

Happy Memorial Day, y'all. Remember...... all sacrifice some, but some sacrifice all. Let's honor those who have given their lives - not only for our country, but for freedom everywhere.