Now that i know folks have read this, it is far more difficult to type!
A glimpse into my morning..... There are tasks that i am required to do every morning, which i gladly do most days, but when i'm sore already, it's not easy to do! One thing i have a habit of doing now is waking up around my 5, and i usually doze until my 5:30. Why? Because now and then, Padrone will text me, waking me up when He gets online, to do a task, or once He just sent a kiss. That was nice, but has only happened that one time...lol.
i get up a bit later, do my first-thing-in-the-morning (or sort of first thing) task, watch the news while having coffee, and then typically text to say i am getting online, or whatever my plans for the morning are. Today, thankfully, there is little on my plate so far. i'm feeling a bit lazy today.
So i've been thinking about things i have heard when people find out that my Master is in Italy and i am in America. The first thing is usually "that has to be so hard!" or something to that effect. i also hear things like "will you make it real?" and "when will you become His, rl?"
i don't get defensive about those kinds of comments, because i know where they are coming from. i also know that what Padrone and i have is not for everyone, nor do i believe it is typical, even of a long distance relationship. Our needs mesh amazingly well, as do our desires. We are looking for the same things out of a relationship, and they aren't all physical. But i know most folks don't understand how or why the mental and emotional bits meet needs to a degree that the physical is less important. That's why it is seen, by some, as "less real" than it is.
But it has happened for us. We have built a deep level of trust in one another, to the degree that there is no doubt about who the other is, or what will be done. Alright, next question (if one is female it is the next logical question, but of course i am *not* going there!) is how can trust be built over such a distance?
Well, that takes time, effort, and a desire to trust. Time.....for us, it took quite a while for the relationship to reach a point that each of us could, and would, relax into our roles. There was a time when i knew that i was having to *prove* myself, my submission, my emotions, my obedience. And i was also testing Him, trying to push, to top from the bottom, to find out what kind of Master He is. That is normal and natural. And due to circumstances which i won't address here, now at least, it was more difficult for me than it might otherwise have been.
i remember the first time He assigned lines for me to write, for a punishment. He never asked for them after i had written them (i don't even know if He knew that i have a scanner), He just told me to write them. But i was thinking "How will He know i did it?". It just seemed so....fake, being given a task and then nothing - i could have not done them and said i had, if i were that type of slave. i didn't want to be seen as that kind of slave, even a passing thought of such...so i scanned the pages and emailed them to Him. He didn't ask for them. i didn't really *mean* to send them. It just felt like the right thing to do, and....it did help to build the trust. It reinforced what was there already, and because Padrone is the way He is, it meant more to Him that it was freely offered, rather than something He had to ask for. He enjoys spontaneous acts of submission, far more than most anything else i can do, i am learning.
And the appreciation He showed for having gotten them unexpectedly, helped me to know more about Him, and how better to please Him. i didn't know if He might feel that it was an intrusion or something rather presumptuous of me, or what. Every bit of open and honest communication we have helps put another brick in the pillar called trust.
Trust is only part of it of course. But i'm rambling now, so i am off!
i am His loving schiava, born to serve Him.
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