Forward Motion

There is a song that my kids listen to, and me by default, which includes the lyrics "cause i struggle with forward motion....we all struggle with forward motion....cause forward motion is harder than it sounds......well everytime i gain some ground....i gotta turn myself around again". There are more, of course, but these particular ones i relate to in a major way, especially lately.

i think i'm personally in one of those "turning myself around again" stages. Growth is difficult, whether personal or in a relationship, and it involves things that i sometimes don't want to do. Lately i have gone back and read some things, logs and old emails, even posts on my "private" blog that i don't have a need to post in anymore. i now wonder why i did it.

Sometmes that kind of thing is productive. But sometimes it brings up all the old emotions, and requires the ability to throw those off and look at it as where we've come from, rather than how i felt then. That is easy sometimes, but much of the time it isn't. i guess i'll always be affected by some things that happened early in our relationship. i guess both of us will.

"too many turns have turned out to be wrong....this time i learned that, i knew it all along"

Forward motion isn't easy, but it is necessary. Hindsight serves its purpose, but it is the looking ahead and even at the present if looking ahead is too difficult, that will keep a relationship healthy and those in it happy. And it takes both partners doing that, not just one. If one looks behind, holds onto old thoughts and the emotions resulting from them, then there can be no forward motion. That is what i do too often, but i am fortunate for a patient and wise Padrone, who not only gives me space to do that kind of thing now and then, but also helps pull me out when i am there, in a way that is quite effective, but which lets me know how much He cares.....not only about me, but about *us*. That is what i think i need reassurance about more than anything, sometimes. But not lately....that's just a general statement.

Lately it has been other things that have been hindering my forward motion. He seems so flexible, where i seem far more rigid...in some things at least. There are things He tells me, about which He says "i never thought you would have to be told this", but which i obviously do. It works to be told, but it also makes me feel stupid somewhat...lol. Well, i *was* stupid, somewhat. He has also revised certain rules, keeping them in place, but allowing them to fit my life in a way that allows me to serve Him better. It was necessary, even i admit it, though i hate to admit the necessity of it happening.

Because of things that have changed where i live, He has had to give more consideration to me than i am comfortable with, mainly because it wasn't necessary before. We are learning to adjust to these new changes, both of us, but it is easier for Him in some ways, because He is far more easily adaptable to changes than i am. But He is teaching me, with His words and actions and example, and i am learning to trust that change isn't always bad....

Just more forward motion.

Thank You, Padrone, for caring for me, about me, and for showing me how valuable i am to You.