Some clarification and continuity

The last post was very long, and it had a lot of thoughts that i felt i didn't complete. When i re-read it after several hours, it felt choppy, as if it didn't flow well together.

So i'm going to try to "flesh out" some thoughts that were stated but for which there was no follow through. i wonder if i can be called a "mind tease" for that kind of thing....hmmmmmmm.......

The first thing i noticed that i didn't finish typing my thoughts about, was the idea that Doms will have their needs met more fully in the beginning of a relationship than a submissive. i still think it is true, because a D/s relationship, especially at the beginning, is all about the Dom's needs.

i feel the need to explain something about that, because i think i typed it yesterday as if that were a bad thing! i love when a Dom's needs are met, please don't doubt that. But there are a couple of basic relationship problems that i see that can arise from that phenomenon.

The first is when the Dom never sees PAST that, and believes that everything about a relationship is *always* all about Him. That is a common mistake, easily corrected by those who are willing to admit that they are wrong and are willing to learn and change from their mistakes. It has to eventually come full circle, and the Dom has to eventually focus on meeting the needs of His submissive as well, or the relationship is unbalanced. An unbalanced relationship is VERY difficult to maintain.

As Padrone eventually started saying, when He would go out of His way to surprise me, or to make me happy in one of the multitude of ways He does... a happy slave serves better. Initially, just being WANTED enough to wear a collar makes a slave happy. That's not a permanent situation, as i discussed pretty thoroughly when i talked about submissives' needs. Emotional security, feeling needed, and knowing that she is pleasing doesn't just happen when a collar is put around her neck. There is no such thing as "instant contentment, just add collar". It takes work. Lots of work. And before a couple can work on it, they have to have a deep commitment to each other.

And that is the other problem that i mentioned about Doms having their needs met more than submissives in the beginning of relationships...the commitment to meeting needs can become stronger on the part of the submissive than the Dom. If a Dom finds a submissive who craves His pleasure more deeply than anything else, then He may become complacent, He may take her submission for granted, her commitment to Him and to their relationship. That may make Him feel that whatever He does, she will accept because He can do as He pleases......she lives for His pleasure, doesn't she? That can be either an arrogantly deliberate attitude, or it can be a misunderstanding, or maybe both at different times. And it isn't bad now and then. The problem arises when it is the only attitude He has towards her, and He forgets His consideration for her physical or emotional state of being, using the excuse "it's for my pleasure, and that's all that matters"....and forgets His commitment to her as Dom.

The framework that i mentioned that is such a needed, comforting, freeing thing for a submissive, is NOT a framework built on nothing more than "i want this, do it". It may seem that way at times, but i do know that the more a couple gets to know one another, the more comfortable the structure becomes, for both of them. i don't know exactly why each of my rules is in place. But i do know that He has a good reason for them, or they wouldn't be there. The framework that defines my life is unique for me, and for my life. It wouldn't work for anyone else, because nobody else lives in my life, has my personality, has my desires and my needs, and my limitations, etc.

But it is what makes this long distance relationship work, more than anything else. The rules are put into place at the right times, never at a time when i feel totally overwhelmed by them. He allows them to truly become part of my life, habit, before adding more. He has dropped some, and added others to replace them, if i was struggling with them or something. That doesn't happen anymore, since He knows me well now, and He respects me enough that He has even asked if i think i can do something that He knows will be very difficult, before He said "alright, it's a rule". He also allows me to ask questions and get as much instruction as i feel i need, giving me as much possibility to succeed as He can give without doing it Himself (grin). The respect that shows me is amazing, and it is something that i know from experience doesn't happen often.

And the last thing about a framework that i want to say, is how it allows me the freedom to truly be myself, the slave i am. Some will understand what i mean by that, but some will think - how can following a bunch of rules help one be a slave? i have thought about that myself, actually, which won't surprise many of you who know me! i have discovered that, for me, it is more a defining of expected behaviors that i need and appreciate and thrive under, than anything else. If i am told what is expected of me, i will strive to my fullest, to a fault, to meet those expectations. The framework i have in place has daily expectations, and some that aren't daily but which are still there. That allows me to give all i can give in the way He wants me to give it. It also frees me from being responsible to control my own behaviors, or to guess what He wants. If He tells me how He expects me to behave, then the responsibility for the results of my behavior becomes His. If i misbehave, He becomes responsible for punishing me. If i consistently fail to meet expectations, He is responsible for discovering if the reason lies in me, or in His expectations themselves. That freedom from responsibility allows me to turn my thoughts to obedience and creativity, and more and different ways to please Him. It's a freeing thing, the framework.


So, i'm not sure i explained anything any better this morning than i had before, but there it is anyway. i have so many other thoughts, some that kind of flow from these, but some are strictly inexpressible and i just have to resign myself to that fact i guess. i hope i don't confuse folks TOO badly, but y'all know where to find me if i do....lol.

Padrone, after last night, words still seem ..... superfluous. You have such a way of expressing Yourself.....and i can say only.....i'm Yours. i'm simply, profoundly, Yours.