the Big Three

i did something i rarely do, but which i think i will do more of from now on, and that is i asked Padrone if there was a particular topic that He would like for me to write about in my blog.

The thought He mentioned was that i could write about the most basic things regarding being a slave, the "big three".... obey, serve, please. So of course i have been thinking about this since He mentioned it last night, and i have a few thoughts i would like to "flesh out" here.

The order in which i will talk about them is the order in which i think they tend to come naturally to a slave, if conditions are right for her to progress into her slavery. That, to me, is vital. If one isn't growing as a person in her slavery, and not just as a slave, then she is simply playing a role. One's slavery shouldn't be a woman's entire identity, and yet it should change and reflect the ways that she is changing as a person. Slavery is not a static thing that never changes or develops simply because one identifies herself as slave.

So, i think it is fair to say that the best Masters not only want their slave to grow as a slave, but also as a woman, even if that means that she grows away from Him. We always consider slaves as vulnerable, and we are highly vulnerable in our relationships. But what is so easily forgotten is that Masters are as well. They can't easily open up or step out of a role and be themselves, until trust is built, just as slaves can't. It is less obvious though, and so more easily overlooked.

The first thing a slave does when she enters even a casual D/s relationship, is obey. Obedience is not something that she does for her own edification, rather it is done because she identifies herself as a slave and that means that obedience is expected of her by others. This comes more easily to some people than to others, of course, and may feel more "natural" as a result. But no matter, when a girl chooses to submit, even in small ways, she is promising obedience. This is an external thing, because the expectations of her behavior come from others. One doesn't typically give orders to one's self, and therefore doesn't typically give obedience to one's self either. How "well" a slave obeys is not something that she judges either, usually, although the feedback from others helps her learn and grow and adjust her behavior accordingly, if she chooses to do so.


The first step for a slave in a D/s relationship is obedience. When many folks talk about the "gift of submission" what they are often referring to is the "gift of obedience". There is nothing wrong with that, in the least. However, it can go so much deeper than that, something not everyone understands.

As trust builds .... as the slave learns that the Master is not going to ask things of her that are unreasonable, unrealistic, unsafe, unhealthy, or otherwise dangerous for her......and as the Master learns that the slave will obey or do her very best to do so..... then they can both move forward a bit. The slave takes for granted something that is a good thing *to* take for granted - her emotional and physical safety in obeying this man. The Master takes her strive for perfection in obedience for granted. Trust is stronger than it was before, and the slave can then move forward a bit into what Padrone calls spontaneous acts of submission. She will find ways to show her submission to Him, ways that He hasn't required, or asked for. She will serve Him in ways that are more offered, than asked. She will begin to serve Him for the sake of serving Him. His pleasure will become her focus, as she learns to trust that their relationship fulfills her and meets her own needs. She will find things to please Him, ways to make His life more pleasant for owning her. She will begin to serve Him, therefore deepening her slavery, changing how she expresses herself to Him and to others.

The last of the "big three", pleasing, is one that is inherent in every slave, but which every slave i know doubts about herself. We *all* doubt that we can/will/do please our Masters. Usually this is caused from our ghosts and demons, and good Masters not only understand that, but work around that as well. It takes an unbelievable amount of work to reach the place where a slave knows...doesn't just believe, but knows with every cell of her being.....that she is pleasing to her Master. Not her behaviors, not her service, not her words, but who she is. She will then have a place in His life that nobody else could ever fill. She has reached confidence, a place she has known rarely in her life. She is pleasing her partner, simply by being who she is.

This is the equivalent of a slave's nirvana. So few ever reach this place. So few are given the opportunity to reach it. So few want to get there, because it takes going through their own personal hell, facing lifelong demons, fears, hatreds... and coming out on the other side. It's terrifying. It feels impossible. And it seems as if it never ends.

i know that i am still going through a lot of demon-facing now. But i feel so much more confident now than i ever have, even though i still wonder who i will be when i finally have exorcised all the demons. i wonder if Padrone will still want the person i am then. i know that i have been through varying degrees of hell in the past few years, but i have also been to heaven as well...

i am owned by a man who will not let me go. i finally trust that, and i can relax and learn to give Him what He so deserves, for that very fact if for no other reason. He sees me in ways that i will never see myself, but He values me so highly that i can't help but see some of the things He sees in me. Finally.

i have the support of a man who owns me so wonderfully, cares so deeply for me, sees so much in me that is there, and so much potential in me in spite of the demons and their effects....and who has made Himself vulnerable to me by encouraging my growth... because He recognizes that as i grow, i change, and change always has an element of risk. But He knows that this kind of growth makes me a better person, and He trusts and believes that it will make me a better slave as well.

Padrone, i am so honored to be Your slave, to wear Your collar, to belong to You so completely. i am proud that my obedience and my service are so pleasing to You, and that You are proud to own me.

i am forever Yours, Padrone. Grazie.