submission and demons

Recently Padrone and i had a conversastion that made me think, as usual. He has told me before, and will tell me again i am sure, that i am different from many other slaves He has met. Usually He reiterates that statement with evidence, and it always surprises me how He sees me, because i still don't see myself as anything special outside of Him.

Anyway, this particular conversation centered around being owned by a Master who owns more than one slave. As y'all know, or may remember at least, i was in that particular situation when i first became collared. i never would have dreamed i would have been able to handle that kind of thing, much less reach the point that it didn't matter as much as i always thought it would to me. But it wasn't easy, and it isn't something i will ever willingly repeat. But i *did* not only make it through it, but i found a way to really become a better, healthier, person in the process.

That's what Padrone said, in this instance, makes me different from other slaves... because i am willing to face my demons.

Let's face it, most of what jealousy is is lack of trust - whether in the other person, or in ourselves regarding our own ability to be all that the other person needs. Lack of trust is usually a result of demons. Lack of trust is also a relationship killer, eventually.

i refused to allow my lack of trust, and the demons that created that, to kill our relationship. Whatever it took, however i had to fight them, i had no choice but to face them, not when the alternative was a relationship that was so much less than Padrone deserved from me, and i had the ability to at least attempt to change it.

See, the entire point, for me, wasn't about me and changing and becoming a better person, stronger and more confident. All i wanted to do, initially, was to become the best slave i could for the best Master there is. That was my basic motivation in the beginning, but apparently not every slave feels that way. It was one of those things that i have no choice about, to me, but apparently others choose to keep their demons hidden and their relationships not all they can be...and themselves still controlled by demons rather than their Masters.

That is what Padrone sees in me that is different from other slaves, or one thing at least, and i am quite proud to be different in this way. i owe so much to my Master, but i owe a lot of where i am, who i am, to myself and demon-fighting.

Thank You, Padrone, for showing me myself from Your perspective. That always makes me think, makes me learn even more about myself, and about You. i can be a better slave when i see myself as You see me. Thank You, Padrone.

i am completely Yours.