Thursday, October 16, 2008

Hardest post ever written

Well, under direct orders from Padrone, here are 10 positive things about me (surprised that i could come up with 2, much less 10)! Btw, i am grateful that even the small things count!

1. i am intelligent, even if not intellectual. (Sorry, Padrone, that one i *had* to qualify with an "exception")

2. i am thoughtful. i try to treat others as i would like to be treated, and i try to do as my granny always taught me (even though i am not always successful), and keep my mouth shut if i have nothing nice to say about someone. i try to do or say things that will make those around me feel better about themselves, or gain insight into problems they are having. i even try to give gifts that will mean something special to the recipients.

i try to anticipate needs and desires when i can, and i try to do things in advance to smooth others' paths, and yes, i have done so to my own detriment in the past. i wonder if i am trying to talk myself out of this being a positive....*blush*

3. i have manners, and try to behave tactfully most of the time. i do this in every area of my life, especially since Padrone showed me how important one's behavior is, no matter how one feels.

4. i am fairly intuitive. i'm not exactly sure if that can be quantified or defined. All i know is that i learn what makes people tick fairly quickly into a relationship, although i also love and appreciate pleasant surprises in people.

5. According to my daughter i am a good cook. This is based on one traditionally southern recipe that i have cooked yearly for Thanksgiving since i was a kid, sweet potato casserole. Oh, and i make good spaghetti too.

Halfway there. Darnit i hate this. :(

6. i am as generous as i can afford to be. Maybe that falls under being thoughtful, i don't know, but i need them to be separate, so i separated them. :)

7. My daughter also says that i know when to be silly and when to be serious. i assume she means in my mothering abilities, but i would venture to say that i kind of know that in most situations.

8. i am strong. This one has really been hard for me to accept about myself, mainly because accepting one's strength of character means accepting the responsibility to behave with strength of character. For instance, if one admits that she can handle adversity when she has to, then she'll more than likely have to. Not because she will have more adversity, but because others around her will expect her to "rise to the occasion" every time it does come. That's a heavy burden for a submissive woman to bear, actually, and so i have never wanted to admit it. Of course i never realized why, it was more instinct than anything else, but since i have thought about what i have gone through in my life, and where i have come from, and who i am now, i realize that i *am* a strong person, and i actually smile when i type that!

9. While i am a bit shy and awkward in social settings, i really do have a personality that means that i try to make others feel comfortable and happy. i try to please folks i am around, i don't have a servant's heart, but a pleaser's heart. i realize that some may not appreciate that as a positive, but i do.

And last, but not least:

10. Ummm....So i'm stuck. i've gotten this far by asking my daughter (Padrone's suggestion, btw), and by thinking of what it is that Padrone has voiced that He values about me. Other things i could say are merely surface things, like i am a good mother, or i am a sweet woman. Maybe i should just make this last one a hodge-podge and add more than one thing here. Things that i kind of take for granted about myself, but which, when looking at them objectively, are positives. Things like honest, faithful, loyal, caring, empathetic all make up who i am, traits that i never think about but which i have learned are important and positive. i value communication and commitment, and i give it freely. (Sometimes *too* freely on the communication part, right Padrone?) And of course, i am very analytical, which is a positive and a negative both, and which is the only way i could actually DO this!

Padrone, i told You that i would thank You afterwards, and i do. It wasn't easy, and i really stressed over it as i knew i would. i do know, now, that i have many positive traits, but i think one of the most positive things about me, something that makes me a good slave, a good mother, and a good friend, is that i try hard to focus on others, to make others happy. That really does make me happy, especially when it is Your happiness that i can make happen.

Thank You for allowing me to think this through, and for making me show more of myself than i typically would through this blog. It's hard to publish it, knowing how much of *me* is exposed here. It's so much easier to show how wonderful YOU are, Padrone!

i love You, Padrone.

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