Motivation

Well, it has been quite some time since i have typed here. Life has taken a turn for me, as usual, and it takes a little while to adjust sometimes. i had surgery a couple of weeks ago, and i am recovering nicely just more slowly than i want to - lol.

Padrone's life is also busier for a while and that means that our time together has become more precious because it is more restricted.

But today we were able to talk with voice, and it was so nice to not have to type, and to hear my Love's voice, the warmth, the pride, the obvious happiness that He feels from owning me. i had missed that intimacy, and the mushiness as well i must confess. Well, it's obvious even if i didn't "confess" it - lol.

During our conversation today we talked a bit about where we've come from, how far we've come, how we've grown, and where we are now. The topic came up about attitudes, and that when i learned that Padrone valued the attitude in which a submissive serves above perfect performance of a task (although of course i do strive for perfection), that it became a bit easier for me to be His slave.

But that leads us to ask the question....why? What is it about our attitudes that affect our performance, our service, our ability to please, and ultimately the stability of the relationship?

Well, it has been both my experience and my observation that many submissives have the desire to please their Masters, or Dominants in general if they are unowned. That's admirable, and if it weren't the case, i would wonder what kind of submissive they are - of course i talk mostly about emotional submissives, and not simply sexual submissives. i understand quite well that there are those who submit in a sexual manner and they could never submit any deeper. That's fine, but not who i am talking about here.

Pleasing, in my opinion, is one of the hallmarks of a submissive woman. We all love to hear "good girl", and "good job", and "i'm so proud of you", and words such as these. There are times when just hearing those words make us give more than even we ever dreamed possible. But the fact is, that when we begin to serve a Dominant, our motivations aren't nearly as self-effacing as we would believe them to be.

Let's be honest here. How many times do unowned slaves scene with a Dominant because of their own need for control? It's almost 100% isn't it? There may be a rare occasion when it is done purely because the Dominant wants it, but usually when that happens, the girl says no, or merely clicks out of the chat program, or maybe "real life calls", or the phone, or whatever. There is usually some excuse to prevent herself from giving merely for the sake of the Dominant's needs, if she doesn't have a need herself.

That's just the way it is. That is serving with one's own agenda first. That is serving to please one's self, rather than serving purely to bring a Dominant pleasure. There is nothing wrong with that at all, and it is where every submissive begins.

Every relationship as a whole has to begin that way. The submissive has to protect her own needs, and in the beginning she has no foundation of trust in the Dominant to meet them for her. So she has to serve a bit selfishly, i guess. The problem isn't in the beginning, i truly think that everyone understands that. But what happens if the submissive never makes the choice to serve merely because of who she is, and who He is to her?

This morning's conversation went along the lines of comparing submissives in the beginning of relationships, or unowned submissives, to children in their desires. Let's face it, children have little control over their lives, they trust the adults around them to keep them safe and happy, and they have few responsibilities. They have duties to perform in chores, and they are rewarded with tokens of appreciation (allowance, words, gifts, privileges, etc). That is how so many submissives view being an owned slave, as some sort of Utopia where all they have to do is follow orders and they can live as carefree as they please.

The reality is that submissives DO have a responsibility in a relationship. They are responsible for their Master's pleasure, in whatever ways the Master deems necessary. Does that mean they are not rewarded for their efforts? i surely hope not, but of course that depends on the Master. i would hope that if one had doubts about the type of man she is serving, that she would never consider a collar from Him, but of course that's an individual call.

In the beginning of a realtionship, it is very much "all about the Master". A submissive serves merely because He wants her to. Hopefully her needs are met, but she loses the option to refuse to serve based on mood, attitude, physical complaints, etc. She communicates those things to her Master and He makes the choice whether to excuse her or not.

As time passes, hopefully, she begins to see that He *does* have her best interests at heart, and that he is both understanding and compassionate while also expecting her to do her very best in anything she endeavors to do to please Him. She should begin to have the attitude that He is her Master and He deserves the best she can give Him, simply because of who He is. She should lose, maybe in a gradual way, but totally, the attitude that she has the right to make choices about her own needs in the relationship.

Our motivations change, they become far less self-serving, and far more focused on Him. We usually think we are focused on the Dominant's needs even in a friendship, but the reality is that if we get nothing out of it, the friendship fades. If we don't feel like talking with someone, we typically escape, even if they need an ear. If we have other places to be or things to do, we say so long to those in our lives that aren't important to us. We have to change as we progress into a relationship, change our motivation from childishness, from self-serving, into the purely giving, selfless one of simply pleasing because it makes our Master happy.

One thing we as slaves do is to take responsibility for making both parties in the relationship happy, and when we do that, we set ourselves up to fail. And so since our primary responsibility is to make HIM happy, we have to learn to trust, to let go, and let Him take the responsibility for meeting our own needs. That is giving up total control, in my opinion.

That, my friends, is what it means to serve as a woman, and not as a girl. That is giving the gift that is sometimes called the gift of submission....the true gift being the gift of control.

Padrone, i cannot imagine not being Your slave, Your woman. i am so grateful for the way You have guided me through our relationship, so many trials, so many circumstances to take into consideration. i am so grateful that You so patiently waited for me to learn what makes You happy, and that i finally realized that it is the attitude of submission that You love, even when i fail in a task. Thank You for loving me through so much, so that i am now totally secure in being the slave You are so proud to own. You are so good to me, and i love You.