Forgotten task and punishment

i don't even know how to begin this post. i guess i should say what happened and then go from there.

i have a standing rule, one of the first put into place, that i am to type a daily email to Padrone. i have a tendency to forget to do so now and then, and i did yesterday.

The thing is, that's such a stupid thing to forget to do. It really pisses me off with myself when i forget it, and especially when, because of the time difference, it is first thing in the morning when i hear about my screwup. That's hard to wake up to, yanno?

Usually when i forget my email, i write lines, or wear something green as punishment. But today, i asked in my text when i apologized for not typing it, a question that Padrone wants me to type about here. i asked "how I can be so diligent for a while, then simply forget one day?"

So here goes. i don't know the answer, if i did, i wouldn't have asked the question. i guess i'm just human and humans make mistakes. i do know that, for me at least, perfection is my enemy.

i know Padrone doesn't really....i almost said He doesn't care if i miss an email, but that isn't right. He just expects it. It will happen, but maybe no more because i have an alarm set on my phone. If i can't get to my computer to type it, i will do it from my phone from now on.

i know, a slave's life is hard. Sometimes it seems that even when it *is* hard, though, that i'm supposed to simply "suck it up" and move on. i try, and sometimes i succeed.

But the question i'm supposed to address here is why i forget after being diligent for a while.

Could be a result of many things, actually. Yesterday the earthquake was on my mind a lot, i was concerned about Padrone's countrymen, much as many people were concerned about us after Katrina, or folks after Ivan. i can understand, to a small degree, what they are going through, although theirs was totally unexpected and with hurricanes, folks usually have a general idea whether or not they'll be affected, withing 48 hours or so of landfall. Anyway, that was only part of it.

We had a change in routine, and were online and got offline earlier than usual. i know that played a part in it, because i usually type my email soon after getting out of IRC, but last night i went walking and took a bath and went to bed. Was it the change in routine that made me forget? Maybe, who knows?

i still had my phone while i was in bed, so i could have typed it from there. i just forgot to do it.

Padrone says it is that i am human, nothing more than that. Maybe it is. Maybe i'm just like billions of other folks who forget things and have consequences for them. Maybe circumstances affected me so that it happened on that one day, and didn't happen when i was on vacation last week. And maybe i am just a slave who can't even get one simple rule right, one rule that i've been doing for almost 4 years now, and i still can't obey.

So there it is. i have no answer to this question. i have learned from this though, things that will take time for me to absorb and apply to my slavery. First thing, and most importantly, type my email.

Padrone, i have already apologized for missing my email, and for needing time to adjust to the negativity that started my day. i don't know if this blog post will suffice as punishment, but i have tried to type it objectively and without the deep emotions i am feeling showing through. i know i didn't succeed in that totally, but i think i did to a degree. i hope i did at least.

i love You, Padrone. i am Yours.