So Padrone made me think yesterday when He called me a spoiled slave. He didn't mean it in a bad way, as if He felt that i thought He was obligated to do things for me or something, because i would act ugly if He didn't. Rather what i think Padrone meant - and i say this with utter confidence actually - is that He was recognizing just how much He does for me, just how good i have things as His slave, based on my needs as a slave. Um...a simpler way to word that will require an explanation, so here goes nothing.
i honestly think the best way to say what i mean is to simply say that i expect Padrone to take good care of me. i don't expect to be treated as a queen, or a diva, or any such nonsense; rather i expect my needs to be met in ways that will require me to give Padrone what He wants and needs from me - gratitude and adoration.
See, that's what it's all about, and Padrone says it so well - a happy slave serves better. The thing that many miss about a D/s dynamic in a relationship is that the Dominant has major responsibilities towards the submissive. It isn't just a one-way street, as so many seem to think. (Btw, many slaves as well as Dominants feel that way, which surprises me and makes me stop and think my own philosophy through a bit more, but i am convinced that i am right in this one.)
Padrone not only meets my needs, He gives me things that i don't even realize i want at times. He grants wishes when i ask for them, often enough that i am not in the least discouraged from asking....but not so often that i take His granting them for granted. He gives me positive things for no reason at times, like when He tells me to wear my rope around my waist all day. He also uses me when He wishes, as He wishes....but will still take my mental/physical state into consideration if i struggle with obeying or serving, even if He continues to use me...He has taken *me* into consideration and made His choice.
He owns me in such a way that yes, i do know i am valued and treasured and loved, but i also know that with such wonderful knowledge comes responsibilities of their own. i do expect, based on our conversations as well as on experience, that Padrone will meet my needs to the best of His ability. He will also, as i said, grant some of my wants and wishes. Those things i have come to expect from Him. And i also expect that His wants, needs, wishes, all come first....sometimes, but not always, at my expense.
But i never take any of it for granted.
i appreciate everything that Padrone does. i realize that it has been a difficult thing for Him to own me through all the things that have changed and happened in the past (almost) 4 years. i know some of His struggles, from the opposite perspective of course, but even from a few words of His own during our discussions. i know that He could easily have turned away, released me, and moved on. And if He wasn't tempted to do just that at times, then He isn't human - lol. But the fact is that His perseverance, His commitment, His dedication to me, to our relationship, and to making it work and strengthen, is what drives Him in everything He does to keep me happy...therefore keeping me serving Him well. i would be a fool to take that for granted!
So, am i really spoiled? The traditional use for that term, in relation to a person, is one who gets her own way, and if for some reason it is denied her, will act out in negative or ingratiating ways in order to get her own way. It is a person who lives selfishly, even if in an unconscious way. It is a person who has forgotten, if she ever knew how, to appreciate what is given to her.
Dictionary.com's definition is this: having the character or disposition harmed by pampering or over solicitous attention.
Now, here's how i feel about it. i *am* given a lot of attention. i *am* given some wonderful gifts, even things that others may take for granted. i *am* given permission to pamper myself, and told more often than not that i deserve it.
But what prevents me from being a truly spoiled slave, versus a "positively" spoiled slave, is that my character has not in the least been harmed by what i have been given. i am spoiled in terms of being given many positive things by my Padrone, but i recognize them often, and with much appreciation. That is what makes me a "positively spoiled" slave. i view gifts and privileges as opportunities to express the gratitude towards my Master that i can't ever seem to fully express, but which i feel almost all the time.
Padrone, thank You for helping teach me to have realistic expectations of You. Thank You for understanding that i deeply appreciate what You give me. And thank You for spoiling me with permissions and privileges and other opportunities to show my appreciation and gratitude. Thank You for allowing me to be a wonderfully and positively, and very happily spoiled slave.
i love You, Padrone.
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