some of Franti's thoughts

This week i've decided to try to encapsulate some of Padrone's thoughts in one blog post. i know, good luck, right?

Well, we talked tonight for quite some time, and i kind of got a good idea of where to begin. First, i should say that Padrone's overriding plus, and what makes Him such an unusual Dominant, is that He didn't check His common sense at the door when He took the label "Dominant"!

He gave this analogy....if someone owns a Ferrari, he doesn't go kick it every day, and not maintain it well, does he? Everyone would be like...."YOU'RE CRAZY! You own a Ferrari and You don't take care of it? What a privilege You're wasting!" And You wouldn't use it to move furniture. You wouldn't abuse Your Ferrari, because of the price You paid for it, and that You realize it is a privilege to own it.

It is even more of a privilege to own another human, because she gave the control to You freely. Simply because You own something, or someone, and can abuse it or her... doesn't mean You should. You won't own either thing or human long, if You don't take care of Your property.

His most basic philosophy is that He needed to find someone who would have the attitude of "whatever You want, whatever You need, i will do my best to do for You". When He found her, He had what He wanted, but He then had a responsibility to keep her, if He wanted her to maintain the attitude He needed. There is no authority without responsibility. There is no ownership without responsibility. There is no meeting of Your needs without being responsible for meeting the needs of the one giving You her all to meet Yours. That's just life.

So if You meet someone and You want to keep them....to maintain a relationship with them...what do You do? Well, Padrone's attitude, His philosophy, is that a happy slave serves better....and in general, to be happy, You have to do what it takes to make Your partner happy. What a revolutionary thought!

i could give example after example of how He did this for me, in particular. i probably will later in this post. i know i have throughout this blog. But never have i made any attempt to convey His D/s philosophy, and His relationship philosophy in general, in one concise post. (yes, laugh, i said concise!)

First He had to gain some insight into His own personality. He came to realize that He needed to control someone pretty strongly. Now, that, to Him, means that He needs someone who will be available whenever He chooses for whatever He chooses, and He doesn't have to take her headache into account! (or whatever) So yeah, pretty nice isn't it? He controls me when He wishes to, in whatever ways He wishes to, and He's got a pretty good setup right? (i want one of those slaves, i'd have a clean house all the time!)

And that is where many Doms stop thinking, and leave their common sense at the door. While that is a good theoretical approach, and theory would demand that a slave have a nice, submissive, available attitude at all times as well, anyone who has lived in the real world for any length of time knows full well that .... well that's truly a theoretical world, to put it politely. It's sheer fantasy, which so many want to live out in the real world. Ain't happening, sorry.

So what does a Dom do, when He has His basic needs met and wants to keep it that way? Well, He should work to get to know His slave, her needs, her wants, her life, her circumstances, her obligations (other than Him, i know, it's terrible isn't it?), and find what is a realistic kind of framework of rules and expectations that she can fulfill....that won't discourage or overwhelm her...that will enhance her slavery, her life as a whole...that will bring her confidence, control, accountability and structure that she needs. It isn't the same frame for every slave, because every slave is a different woman. One of the most dangerous things that this lifestyle has tended to promote is that "slave" is a generic term and that the women who call themselves slaves are interchangeable with one another. It takes a wise man to look beyond that thought and see the woman behind the label, and an even wiser one to fit a framework that she can live with, and actually enjoy living with to boot!

See, the "book" says *a* slave's greatest pleasure is in serving, being used, being found pleasing. Well, that's not exactly true. For most of the slaves i have been privileged to know, the pleasure is in our Master's pleasure - and more importantly, His expression of that pleasure, and not in the service itself. There is a reward for our service, and that reward is different for each person. We're unique, folks, what a concept!

Here's another thought. When a Dom meets a slave, and makes an attempt to begin a relationship with her, if He comes into it with an idea of how HIS slave will behave, things HIS slave will or will not do....then He dehumanizes the woman He is talking to even without talking to her. In other words, He doesn't look to her life to see which, if any, of His ideas and desires are feasible for her to live.

i used to get so frustrated, back before i was Padrone's, when a Dom would want to collar me, and would offer 10-15 rules from the beginning that were punishable from day 1. Now yanno...that wouldn't have been a problem had any of those men gotten to know me to see if i could actually DO those things or not! But the reality is that they "knew what they wanted in a slave", and i tended to not "fit" their mold...which was usually based on something they had read! And the most damaging thing about that whole, repeated, scenario was that i always felt inadequate as a slave to meet a Dom's needs. That's one reason for all my insecurities as a slave - because i never was able to measure up, until Padrone.

Here's an example of how Padrone was different, from very early in our relationship.

When Padrone first took control of me, He had one rule. Bugged the stew outta me, because He was so incredibly controlling during scenes, and kept talking about wanting to control beyond online and into my real life, so when i begged for it, and He said "one rule - no cumming"....i was like...WHAT???? (laughing here)

But as He got to know me, He added rules that fit my life. He may have had the same rules with other slaves, but even so, these are specific to me because other things He may like to control i can't give because of circumstances or whatever. i mean, He had a general idea from the beginning, based on His history with slaves in the past, of what is "doable" in general...but He didn't assume that anything was doable for me, simply because others had done it.

He had His basic needs met, remember? So what He had to do now was to provide a framework of rules for *me*. That is what would meet my own basic needs. That's what so many Doms/Masters miss. The rules they put forth aren't for them anymore, they have what they need and can take whatever, whenever, and that's really nice! But ongoing, everyday rituals and rules aren't for them...they are for the slave's security and comfort. What an amazing concept, huh?

There is so much more i could say. He used to tell me that He would not change who He is, even for me, and i knew why He said it but....He didn't change who He is... but He *did* change how He behaved. As He learned more about me and my insecurities and my fragilities, He realized that there were some things i did need, that He hadn't before realized were needs. For example...i used to ask for reassurance all the time...that He was happy with me...that He enjoyed owning me...that i made Him happy...what a drag! He would say (not often but often enough that i knew i was bugging Him asking, but i couldn't help myself)...i've told you, why won't you believe what i say? Why do i have to say it over and over again?!

But finally He began to offer reassurance before i could even ask for it. i was totally blown away that He would move beyond His own comfort zone and reach out to give me something to ensure that i also had a comfort zone with Him. That seems like a small thing to some, i know. But when it is added to the flexibility He shows when i come to Him and express a problem with following a rule....or when i ask for mercy for something i may have done or not done....or when i express a problem in other areas of my submission...He listens, He takes my needs, my wants, my reasons, my circumstances into account, and He comes up with a solution that is usually quite creative and that works well. That is what i mean....He doesn't check His common sense at the door, simply because He is a Master.

i don't know if i am explaining well or not. Padrone is quite willing to answer any questions anyone might have about what i share here regarding His thoughts. i know i don't give them justice. i overanalyze and overexplain. But please, if anyone has a question or a comment, please post it as a comment....He will answer in kind.

Padrone, please forgive me if i have mangled things here. i know i chase rabbits a lot, and it is really hard to explain things to others, that we can say to each other clearly because we know where we are coming from. But i hope i did get some points across clearly....how simple this can be, how it is a relationship first, M/s second...and that meeting needs truly *is* a mutual thing, and not a one-way street. Those are, in my opinion, the basics of Your philosophy in owning a slave, and in loving a woman.

i love You, Padrone.