a few thoughts about relationships

Alright, so today i called Padrone, all worried about one of my kids in the midst of a relationship crisis. Not mine of course - lol. But there were some things i was concerned about, and my natural reaction was to call Him.

We talked, He reassured me that He thought i had handled it well with her, and offered a couple of general suggestions but said that i had done well. It helped tremendously just to talk with Him, to unload the burden, and even more to hear that i hadn't been too gentle or too seemingly unconcerned, or left *too* much responsibility in the hands of a teenager or any of the myriad other things i had worried about. Yes, i know, i invent things to worry about if nothing comes naturally!

We began to talk about other things, and the topic of a message board we have each visited in the past came up. i understand that message boards, and comments on blogs, and such things as that are a way to interact....limited, which is something many don't seem to understand. But based on things i had read at a message board and on other blogs, we have recently begun to really talk about what makes our relationship work.

Y'all know that i consider Padrone the most unique Master i have ever met. i haven't really been able to encapsulate just why, but i think today i am onto something. i've called it common sense, i've called it the framework, i've said a lot of things, but the reality is that we have a relationship. Period.

The framework of rules that i follow daily is in place for various reasons. Yes it is for me, but it serves a larger purpose, one that i know *i* hadn't ever thought of before and which hit me while we were talking. It frees me to be in a relationship without constantly trying to have a submissive mindset.

Wait a minute, right? i'm a slave, isn't that what i'm "supposed" to do? Have a submissive mindset constantly? Um. Not exactly.

See, the deal is...i'm human. i'm a woman. i'm a mother. i'm working towards professional certification. i'm an ex wife. i'm a new gardener. i have so many things going on in my life that there is no way i could stay in a mindset of submission all the time. That doesn't mean that Padrone is not in my mind, in my thoughts, all the time, because He is. The knowledge of my enslavement and His ownership doesn't leave me, ever. But i'm capable and desirous of making decisions on my own, and relying on Him for help and guidance when i need it. He steps in whenever He wishes to, but one thing that makes us work so well is that so much of our D/s personalities are expressed within the framework that we are freed by it to express other dimensions more freely, and more fully.

We live as ourselves, not in a role. We relate to each other as ourselves, knowing that we each live within our role every day, but acknowledging, welcoming, loving that there is so much more to each of us than what can be expressed within a D/s dynamic.

It is so wonderful to be His slave. And i know He loves being my Master.

But you know what? i love His personality. i love that He has a routine, but is flexible when He wants to be. i love His sense of humor. i love His laugh. i love His singing. i love when He can't find the english word for something. i love when He is romantic. i love when He talks about books and movies, knowing i have no clue what He's talking about but teaching me anyway. i love that He doesn't laugh at my attempts to learn italian. i love that He sometimes *does* laugh at my attempts to learn italian (who wouldn't?)

i guess all of that can be expressed within a D/s dynamic. But i won't ever forget that He told me once, quite some time ago, that being with me let Him relax and not constantly stay in "Dom mode". That speaks volumes, i think.

Rituals, rules, constant expressions of submission, obedience, or control...are all well and good if that is all you want out of a relationship. But frankly, i want it all. i want someone who expresses concern when i am sick, who teases when i have my period, who takes what He wishes when He wishes to, who surprises me with rewards and praise and pride so often. i don't want someone who has to live within the confines of a defintion of Master, whether internal or external definition, and in doing so holds back part of Himself from the woman He owns and loves.

What makes our relationship work? Treating it as a relationship. When problems come up, finding a solution that works, no matter if it diminishes control or not. Accepting responsibility for mistakes. Working on communication and dealing with problems. In essence, using common sense and not getting blinded by the trappings of the labels that our personalities create for us.

The thought that triggered this discussion was sharing our thoughts on whether or not, when a woman becomes a slave to a Master, her children do as well. In other words, does she necessarily relinquish control of her kids to her Master when she becomes slave. We discussed it for a while and finally Padrone, after expressing a kind of disbelief that women would actually do that and talking in D/s-speak about how slavery and control are consentual and that kids cannot give consent...finally He said "why not just help each other?"

And that, my friends, is what being in a relationship is all about. That attitude is what makes us work so well. And i am, indeed, the luckiest slave on earth.

Grazie mille, Padrone. i am Yours.