Probably won't make sense....

Time is flying by lately for some reason!

So much has happened this week that it's hard to know just what to type here. i will say that i am incredibly happy. It's simply amazing how happy i am being the slave i am to the most wonderful Master in the world!

See, lately we've been discussing ... well kind of running over familiar territory in some ways i guess. We live an ocean away from each other, and for our own reasons haven't met, and have vague plans to meet in the future. So now and then we kind of... think about that i guess. And you know what conclusion we came to? That while we would LOVE to be with each other full time, or even part time...it isn't possible right now, and to beat our heads against that particular brick wall would be pointless and harmful to what we have.

Maybe i'm wrong for feeling the way i do, or maybe some of you may think i am wrong for feeling this way, but the reality is that we are very protective of what we have and we like it that way. We have a relationship that meets our needs more than any other relationship either of us has ever been involved with. Think of just how amazing that statement is....

We've never met face to face, and we are both far happier than we have ever been in any other relationship in our lives.

There's a part of me that can't help but wonder why, but the larger part of me simply revels in the security of knowing that here is a man i can truly, fully, trust. He won't harm me intentionally, and if He did, He would attempt to rectify as soon as He knew He had done it. He knows that i will do all i can, give all i have, to serve and to please Him, through obedience and through freely offered submission.

What He needs, i need to give. What i need, He needs to give. We aren't exactly alike, nor are we exact opposites. We have different likes and dislikes (sci fi - ugh). We each enjoy music, just different kinds for the most part. Ah, who am i kidding?

*sighing*

God, this week has been amazing. We have gotten even closer, have learned even more about ourselves, about each other. A couple of barriers have been broken through, ones we didn't even know existed - which is the best kind of all to break through, isn't it? We've had incredibly intimate times together, deep humiliation, and absolutely wonderful just....happiness.

Maybe i should have posted a "mushy alert" or something!

i finally understand what Padrone means when He says "melting and reshaping", in terms of me. Somehow i always meant to be made into a better slave, via whatever meant He intended at the time. And i guess, technically and in a very general sense, that IS what He means. But realistically and practically, what He means is that i am simply....totally surrendered to whatever He wishes for me to experience.

That's not a place that is easily attained, for me at least. But the joy of His pleasure....

i know my thoughts are rambling more than usual tonight. It's just that i see myself typing lots of D/s cliches, and i remember clearly thinking just how wrong people were for saying those things to me before i met Padrone.

i still hear those things spouted often.

The reality is that *initially* there is no WAY a submissive, "lives for her Master's pleasure". She has no clue what His pleasure IS. in the beginning of a relationship, or what would be expected or required or demanded of her. But i can honestly say that, after 4 years of intensity, of intimacy, of communication, of breaking down walls, and of trust that seems to grow and grow and grow beyond anything we ever dreamed possible....

i do, indeed, live for my Master's pleasure.

My greatest pleasure is in serving Him....not necessarily sexually, not domestically (yet, i suppose i'll have to learn to iron shirts, darnit).... but in the ways i have learned please Him. i know He loves when i freely offer my submission. i know things He enjoys, things He admires, things that make Him most proud. Those are the things that i try to do most often....and i try hard to learn more things to make Him proud, to please Him, as well.

i love kissing His feet when i first see Him. i love leaning my head against His leg. i love emailing daily, most days at least. i love sending a text every hour. i love going to slave position every night. i love wearing my slave number every day. i don't love my "first thing in the morning" ritual, but i *do* love that *He* loves me doing it. Pleasing Him is truly what i live for, and knowing that He is proud of His schiava, His woman, is as necessary to my life as oxygen.

And you know what? i am living a happy life, a life filled with peace and contentment, not because of circumstances, but because Padrone makes me happy. It really is that simple.

This is a very rambling post, but i realized that it needed to ramble i think. Even if my thoughts aren't always clear, some things need to be expressed. Maybe tonight's thoughts were simply that we are happy, period.

Padrone, this week has been so amazing. To have had You open up to me as You did, to have You accept and fulfill my deep needs on the phone, to have You welcome the intimacy as You did....Padrone, those things are priceless to me, and i am grateful, so deeply grateful, to belong to You.

i am Yours, mio meraviglioso Padrone....so Yours. Thank You.