More thoughts

i didn't do such a good job explaining Padrone's thoughts yesterday, so i am giving it one more try today.

There were only a couple of things that i didn't explain well, but they are important enough to deserve far more than they got yesterday. i just kept thinking "man, i've typed and typed and typed, and folks will get SO tired of reading if i don't STOP!" So i stopped - lol.

i was typing about some of Padrone's thoughts regarding D/s, His philosophy, what makes Him unique in my experience of Dominants. i know i have mixed some of my own thoughts into it, but as i said to Him this morning, it isn't easy relating strictly HIS thoughts - they are always going to be filtered through my own if i am the one expressing them.

But one thing that deserves a lot of attention, and something that really made me sit up and go....wow, how true! when He told me....was the idea that a framework of rules and/or rituals is strictly for the benefit of the submissive.

Kind of goes against traditional thought, doesn't it? That's what i meant when i said that Padrone's thoughts are unique. But it really is true, and again, it is common sense.

Let's face it. Masters can take whatever they wish, whenever they wish it...and i'm not talking simply sexually of course. They can order, demand, request, ask, however they choose to phrase things, but get what they want anyway. What else do they need out of a slave?

But slaves need more than simply to be at a man's beck and call constantly. Logistically that's what we are, but yanno....living life on the edge, for me at least, doesn't mean on the edge of uncertainty. Will He want me/need me/ ask for me today, or won't He? How do i act? What will He want when we talk/see each other? What behaviors will He expect? And the worst possible thing a slave can live with... what if i guess wrong and displease Him?

Wow. More to rules than simply rules, i guess.

Reality is that a framework frees us slaves from worrying about pleasing, to knowing that our obedience is pleasing....we can reach a point, once the framework is ritualistic and a deeply ingrained part of our life, that we can focus on offering things, words, actions, obedience in ways that we might never have been able to before. i know that, if i greet Padrone the way i am required to greet Him, i please Him (especially since i take a bit of liberty with the requirement). i know that i have shown my submission to Him with a simple gesture, and that beyond that, i follow His lead. i know that, by following the rules He has placed in my life, rules that are specific to me, rules that change just enough about my way of living that He remains my focus all day long....i please Him. By obeying, by showing this submission every day, i serve Him. Does HE need that constant service? Well, no. He can and does get service from me whenever and as He wishes. That's why i can say that the framework is for my benefit.

When we slaves have such a unique, well-fitting, thoughtfully structured framework, we can move beyond what i think of (now at least) as "superficial submission", and reach deep inside ourselves, become more vulnerable within the safety net of our framework, and give things we never dreamed we could give.

We are safe in the knowledge that we please our Masters, when we are given the opportunity to prove ourselves pleasing through obedience to the rules He has set in place in our lives. Only when we feel that emotional security can we open ourselves to more vulnerable ways to surrender.

The problem is that so many Dominants don't understand that the framework can't simply be what *they* want in place. So many Doms seem to think that they are doing the slave a favor by giving her rules, and she should be grateful enough to obey whatever He sets in place. i tried to think of an instance when that would be a valid argument, and the only time would be in Fantasy. Putting someone whose life purpose seems to be to please others into a situation where she gives her all and it can never be good enough, simply because rules and requirements weren't made for HER....is just not good. It can be harmful, not only to a relationship but also to the people involved in it.

i am thinking of a specific example. The couple love each other, it is quite obvious. And the slave gives so much of herself to show her devotion and adoration of her Master, yet the Master tends to....well.... He seems to take it for granted, and also demand, expect, more. Her rules aren't easy...i know that i, specifically, couldn't obey them regularly. Padrone and i have even talked about this and He wouldn't have ever put them into place like that for me, because He knows they aren't realistic for my life. i understand that this couple's life is totally different from mine, but....based on what i know of them, the rules would be even more difficult for her than for me to obey!

So she gets what her Master calls an "attitude" at times. She forgets rules, she forgets rituals. He gets lax at times in His responsibility to ensure that she obeys, however the thoughts He expresses are "she *knows* what is required and she doesn't do it"....it's her fault, not His. i understand where He is coming from, in a way, because she has agreed to the rules. She said she wants them. But once rules are in place, it becomes the Master's responsibility to enforce them. Every slave gets lax at times, forgetful, "blonde". If we didn't need an outside influence to hold us accountable, what would we need a Master for anyway? That is such an integral part of what submission is....and what being a Master is, as well. To exert control, to accept another's submission, means to take on a measure of responsibility for her, *especially* regarding what You specifically require of her!

And here's another thought. A slave will say she can do anything, she wants as many rules as possible, if she thinks it will please her Master. Many of us don't have the ability to say "no, i can't" when it comes to something our Master says He would like to have us do. So when Padrone introduces a new rule...i am thinking specifically about the rule about texting every hour....He asks if i think i can do it. That rule was quite a demanding one in the beginning. It required a lot of focus and attention to make sure i did it. i not only agreed to it, i begged for it, with much enthusiasm and eagerness! He knew, more than i did, how difficult an adjustment it would be, but He put it in place anyway. Guess what though. Had it been too unrealistic, He would have changed the requirements of the texting...every 2 hours... or 4 times a day....He wanted me to text, and knew that would be a requirement for me....it was the frequency that He considered, and would reconsider had i not been able to obey without tremendous hardship.

i won't ever forget the first time i missed a text - by just a few seconds. i had to write 50 lines "i must text Padrone every hour". i was furious with Padrone that He made me do that for a few seconds! But realistically i had nothing to cry "unfair" about, did i? i agreed, i begged, and i did the punishment. Most importantly, i learned a valuable lesson.

The relationship i was describing before is one that seems stuck in place. The Master doesn't seem to want to change anything, because His slave says she wants it all in place. There doesn't seem to be any flexibility, no desire to make the framework something that suits His slave's life, gives her the needed structure and yet frees her to offer submission in other ways. She is too focused on having a constantly good attitude while she does things that would overwhelm the best of us. The reality is that, in that relationship, the framework is in place for the Master's benefit and not for the slave's....and so the framework itself is faulty and should be rethought, redesigned.

Padrone's belief is that He won't require me to do daily tasks that He doesn't want to be responsible to ensure that i do. In other words, if He doesn't feel like following up on a rule within my framework, it doesn't become part of the framework. There are so many other ways He can exert His control over me, and does, that the framework is....

Well, it is a constant reminder for me of His control, even when we're not talking or online together. It is a way for me to submit, to show my submission, in the same manner. It is not for Him...all He has to do is call or text or email or yahoo...i get all of those instantly on my BlackBerry...and He controls me at His will. My being available is all HE needs. But as a slave, i need to live a life filled with submission and control, even when i don't need to "feel" those things overtly. i need the structure, the accountability, the responsibility, to bring everything else in my life into focus.

And so, there it is. The reason behind the framework in my life, and the reason behind the flexibility of that very framework. When my nipples got too tender for me to wear the clothespins every time i went to the bathroom, He gave me days off so they could heal. He then, after realizing how hard it is for me to ask for a break, granted me 3 days a month "pin free". i don't even have to tell Him when they are, that's not important to Him to know. He simply wants my nipples extremely sensitive. He didn't want to cause damage or have me so uncomfortable that the pain is really unbearable when constantly irritated. So it was simple common sense that He change that rule, grant some flexibility, and take care of His most valuable possession.

i think there are other things i wish i had explained better in yesterday's post, but i'll have to re-read and think about how to word it better. i am going to stop here and hope this issue is a bit more clear at least.

Padrone, if i misrepresent Your thoughts here, i know You will let me know, and i apologize in advance if i do. i think i know You well enough by now to know that what i am saying here are Your true thoughts and beliefs about how best to make a relationship work, and specifically a Master/slave relationship work. i hope others can see You in ways they never have, and can truly begin to understand why i always consider myself to be the luckiest woman on earth to belong to You.

i am Yours, Padrone. Grazie.