Living a fairy tale

Who would have thought that Padrone and i, living an ocean apart, would ever have had a relationship that lasted 4 years? i sure didn't realize it when we began, although i hoped devoutly!

Four years ago today our journey began when i begged, in the ancient way, three times for Padrone to increase His control in my life. He already exhibited control in our scenes, and i had found myself naturally exclusively with Him in our online world, but i yearned for more...and i learned that He wanted more as well. And so it began.

i wish i still had the logs, but i've had a couple of computers since then and the logs were lost during some of those changes, or reformats, or something. It really doesn't matter, since i remember it well.

When i think back to where we were then, and i often do simply to appreciate more where we are now, i find it amazing that Padrone didn't run screaming long ago.

But see, that's the kind of man He is. He is so committed, even when i didn't deserve it. He is so understanding...and i don't just mean that He is understanding when i have a problem, but rather that He truly understands me, what makes me tick. He took the time to get to know me as a person...my life as well as my personality, before He chose what to control and what not to control. Nobody has ever done that with me, for me. Nobody has ever simply wanted to own *me*....rather than *a slave*.

i get totally blown away when i think of all He has had to put up with in the past four years. Owning two slaves, releasing one after finding out about her deceitfulness, two of his family members with health issues, a crisis on my end, my injury, me working overnights, therapy, my kids, my ex, my changing career...every emotion from depression and despair to utter joy and amazed gratitude, love and surrender, pride and shame....and He stayed so constant...so true...so steady through it all. My rock. My strength, truly...where i learned to be strong is from watching my Owner be Himself. i'm all choked up now, so inexpressibly grateful to this man.

i love You with all that i am...all that i will ever be, is totally Yours, my Padrone.

i try so hard to express the gratitude and appreciation i feel for my Master. But i fail gloriously, no matter how well He thinks i express it. i know that i can't even begin to let Him know how deeply i feel, not only the gratitude, but the absolute...

i don't know how to word it concisely so i won't even try.

For the past four years, Padrone, You have been my life. You have taught me not only how to be a good slave for You, but also life lessons that i have been able to translate into the way i interact with others, not the least of which is how i parent. You have made a difference to me even there, even if it isn't obvious from the outside looking in.

Your patience is truly unbelievable. You have waited for me to grow and to change and to regroup after crises and to learn and to translate all of that into a more pleasing service to You. i've wondered how You have done it...i wondered if You somehow knew how i would react or the direction i would head into after growth or introspection, but now i realize that You didn't know but You realized that some things i had to do no matter what happened, and You trusted *me* enough to believe that it would all work out in the end.

Your philosophy regarding relationships is also amazing, Padrone. To think that You can keep a common sense approach towards the one You love...most people let their emotions overrule their sense, but Padrone, You have been so wonderful about realizing how relationships as a whole work, and how *i* as a person and as a slave work, and You have guided us into a place that i never dreamed possible when we began.

The things You have taught me about loving someone are things i always dreamed about but never dreamed would happen to me. Being loved, and owned....belonging to someone who truly values me and shows it in more ways that i could ever list....that is a fairy tale come true for me, Padrone.

i never take for granted what we have, who You are, or what You mean to me...or what i mean to You either. Finally i can see the two way street, Padrone. Finally i can tell in some ways, just what i mean to You as well.

You complete me, Padrone. i am more grateful than i can say to belong to You. And i know, beyond a doubt, that the future is far brighter than the past. i want to grow old with You, and still hold hands and laugh at silly jokes 20 years from now. You are my life...and You have my life, forever.