*****Whiny-butt post alert*****

Don't say you weren't warned. Whine ahead. i hate it. But i guess i needed to vent, who knows?

Well. This is one of those posts that i am typing because my week is almost up and i haven't typed one yet, frankly. i have a lot going on here where i live, but don't seem to have any time at all. i can't tell you the last time i've had just an hour or so without anything to do, or think about doing, or check on for someone, or fetch and carry or something. i really need a break, and i hope something is going to happen to allow that soon.

Oh for a day off. A half a day....2 hours, to do nothing but what i want to do, phone off, computer off, be unavailable to anyone except myself. Recharging some batteries with a book, sitting on a comfortable chair, simply thinking of the characters and *their* situations, circumstances, lives, for a change, and...never mind. What a dream, though, huh?

It snowed here last night though, amazingly enough! Southeastern US got snow in December! It was very pretty and i had a blast in it while at work, going out and grinning and lifting my face to watch it fall and having to clean my glasses every time, but never resisting the urge to do it again and again, as often as i could! We got around 1-2 inches i guess, but of course the temp is going up today and it's melting now. That's alright. Snow falling at night, here, is almost magical in a way. It's very rare, and very special. i far prefer falling snow to snow on the ground, as i guess many of us do. i love it on the ground if it's undisturbed, but how often does that happen? Once a day, if then, i guess. Anyway, next...

i haven't had much time to give to Padrone lately either. It seems as if there is always something dragging and pulling me away from our time together, and i hate it. It bothers me that i can't even remember to type an email (which i have done twice this week), and i have cried buckets already today, and feel like a failure again because i just can't seem to do it all. What Padrone requires isn't that demanding as a whole, but everyone else seems to expect more and more of me. Add that to starting a new job and learning new things there, studying for my second Praxis, and Christmas coming...who can think about Christmas? i can't even give Padrone what He so deserves from the woman he owns. i feel as if i am in the midst of a meltdown, and i don't know what to do about it. Oh well, this too shall pass, i know.

My ex has been around quite a bit lately, because he is unemployed and looking for a job. It's hard to find one around here anyway, but this time of year it's impossible. i've been helping him out because he is computer illiterate to the point that he has no clue how to even turn one on, much less what to do when it is on. So he now has a resume and several online applications (and handwritten ones as well) turned in, has had one interview, has another on Monday, and has some contracting work he can do in the interim. The best part? The closest job he is applying for is an hour's drive from here! That would be WONDERFUL! He is leaving for the contracting job on Monday evening (i assume, i really hope he doesn't get it into his head to wait until he hears from the interview on Monday, because that could be a week or longer i'm sure. Ugh, i really, REALLY hope he leaves!)

Son should be home from college next week. He made a stupid mistake in one of his classes, and error in judgement, and it cost him in his grades. i see his point, but i guess homeschooling taught him a bit *too* much independence, because i, a product of public schools, can understand the concept of "give the teacher whatever they want, even if it evolves into an unpleasant situation", whereas he thinks along the lines of "that just isn't *right*, and i'm going to (insert protesting action - i.e. action that cuts off nose to spite face - here). i really do admire his passion and desire to stand up for what is right, but he has to learn some of the "give them whatever they want to get the grade" mentality. That's sad to me, and it's one of those results from homeschooling that i didn't foresee. Actually, i probably didn't remember it being as prevalent in college as it is where he goes, and that's probably why i neglected to prepare him for it. One of the positives of homeschooling is also one of the negatives when it comes to furthering education - flexibility and promoting individual thinking. Never mind, this isn't a "homeschool vs. public/private school" discussion, i promise.

Daughter really enjoyed the snow last night as well, even if i wasn't here with her until very late. We had fun watching it, laughing, and hugging - lol. She's got a job that isn't giving her many hours, but i really think they have so many new folks to train that they can't have them all in there at once so they're kind of doling it out gradually. She'll get there.

i haven't put up a tree or even thought of Christmas yet. And i won't for a little while - i just can't yet. i'm not sure what it is but this year i more dread Christmas than anything else, right now at least. Next time i type here i may be filled with Christmas spirit and totally out of my "Scrooge" mood!

Because i have changed jobs and had to deal with the ex so much more than usual lately, i haven't had much time to spend with Padrone, and i miss it. i miss You, Padrone. And really, i don't miss the use, the service, as much as i simply miss talking and laughing with my love when we both have privacy. i hope it happens soon, Padrone. Very, very soon.

A kiss from Your beloved and devoted schiava.