Being Used

When i am used, i don't feel sexy. i know that Padrone enjoys me very, very much when i am in the throes of agony, need, or whatever he wishes for me to feel. i know he gets aroused so often, when i am lost in my surrender.

And i have seen that some girls seem to be able to do and feel sexy while they are in the midst of being used, even if it is harsh or humiliating or both.

But i don't.

And i am SO grateful that Padrone needs what i offer. i love that he loves using me. i love that he finds his sexual pleasure in my use. The control that he thrives on is SO powerful. That is the most arousing thing, mentally as well as physically....control...and totally releasing that control.

Yes, i do crave and enjoy the use - physically and mentally. God i have some amazing orgasms during his use. Or even if i'm not allowed to, i get the mental.... i don't know what the word is, the terminology, the way to explain the mental place that i go to, and the absolute RELEASE...of what though? Who knows? Who really cares?

But i do not feel sexy in any way or fashion. i don't feel as if i could do or say anything that would in any way be sexy or arousing or bring anyone to orgasm.

But Padrone loves when i am in tears, or begging, or screaming with pain, depending on his need from his slave at the moment. There have been times when i have done all of the above, and more. Who would ever imagine that a fuckpig squealing and drooling and sobbing with pain/suffering/ need/edge would bring anyone to fulfillment?

But, no matter my feelings, my lack of ability to feel or be sexy or sensual, Padrone uses me for his ultimate, utter, wonderful pleasure.

And Padrone, i must say that makes me feel loved, cherished, needed....and sexy as hell.